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You are innately well - you always have been and always will be. If you're not experiencing wellness, you are innocently lost in a thick fog of thought. I can help you cut through the fog to reconnect with the peace of mind, clarity and confidence that are already within you.

I help women suffering from bulimia and binge eating disorder, using an amazingly effective, easy, brilliant new brain-based approach. You don't have to suffer any longer.

I get a lot of questions about how we can teach the things I write about to young children.  Willow.

Raising children who see the truth about their nature, who are comfortable with emotion, and who know how their experience is created, is a big deal. It’s no exaggeration to say that this understanding could change the world.

The thing is, children already know this stuff. They intuitively, instinctively get it.

We’re all born with this understanding. It is in our factory default settings. We simply program over it as we grow up, as we learn to take our thinking seriously and we come to question our innate nature.  The simple truth gets forgotten and a bit buried.  

The best thing we as parents, aunts, uncles, and teachers and do for the children around us is to remember ourselves.

As soon as we live the truth, seeing ourselves and the people around us as innately healthy and well regardless of the state of their life (which is only a reflection of their state of mind), the kids around us will be that much closer to what they already know.

As soon as we adults become more honest and more emotional—when we stop fearing or judging our own emotions—the children around us will effortlessly do the same.

That said, as children get older and more exposed to the outside-in-looking world around them, you may want to talk to them about these things.

I want to.

***

Willow will be 5 years old in a few weeks.

For the past couple of months, I’ve been casually talking with her about two primary things. The first is that she is always well and mentally healthy by nature—that’s true for all people, all of the time., no exceptions.

Basically, I remind her that when her mind quiets down, she experiences a nice, peaceful feeling. That feeling is her home base .

But I say it in 4 year old terms.  Something like… “You know when you’re relaxed or feeling really peaceful, like maybe right before you fall asleep? There is a nice feeling you feel in your heart…do you know what I mean?  You know what’s really cool? That feeling is always there, and always will be there your whole life. Even when you’re 100!  When your mind settles down you will be able to feel it.”

The first time I said something like that, she smiled, put her hands over her heart, closed her eyes, and said “I know that already…I can feel it right now!”

It was not a tough conversation to have.  I taught her nothing she didn’t already know.

I’ve also talked to her about the fact that her mind can get very busy and crowded and that when it does, she may not feel her best. She’s always feeling her thoughts, not what’s happening around her, and if she doesn’t like what her thoughts are giving her she can wait until something better comes along.

In 4 year old language, it’s all about bubbles. Something like…”Do you know that all people get millions of thoughts floating around in their heads every single day? Those thoughts are sort of like bubbles… they float around a bit and are interesting to notice, and then they pop. Some bubbles pop faster than others, but they all pop at some point. So if you ever have thoughts in your head that don’t feel that good to you, just wait. They will pop and then you’ll feel different.”

We’ve talked a bit about how we don’t need to pay attention to every single bubble in our head. How if she’s feeling angry, for example, that’s because she has a lot of angry “bubbles” floating around, but that it’s not a problem because those angry bubbles will pop and she’ll get new bubbles.

A couple weeks after our initial bubbles conversations, she casually said these things:

Talking about a kid at preschool: “Trevor gets in trouble all the time. He has a lot of thoughts to be bad, and I guess he just likes to listen to them.”

Talking about her rambunctious little brother: “Miller does whatever his head tells him to, that’s why he runs around so crazy all of the time.”

Talking about her Dad who was screaming about the Green Bay Packer’s poor performance during a game: “Angry bubbles!” (as she walked away shaking her head). 

Sharing these truths with children is the easiest thing you can do because your audience already knows everything you’re saying. They are closer to it, and maybe remember it better than you do.

But remember, the most effective way to help them remember is for you to remember. When you live it without needing to talk about it often, their wisdom will help them fall right into it.

P.S.–this was written for you. And your children, by extension, but really for you. Even though you’re older than 4 and incredibly intelligent, it’s okay if you want to think of your thoughts as bubbles, or feel that peaceful home base as you’re falling asleep. It’ll be out little secret. 

When we Fear Emotion

by Amy on November 13, 2014

A woman was recently telling me how emotions were not okay in the family in which she grew up.  logjam

Feeling bad—and being honest about it—w as not an option.

So she learned to pretend that she was feeling okay when she was not. She began to carry on as if everything were wonderful when she felt anything but.  This set into motion a habit of pushing away anything remotely unpleasant.

Because she was always pushing her emotions away so quickly, she never got the chance to realize how fleeting and harmless they are, and how they actually go away on their own when you aren’t pushing.

Forty years later, she’s still pretending she feels fine when she does not (even though she’s free to feel however she wants now). She wonders why she feels badly so often.

What she’s unintentionally, habitually doing is the equivalent of jumping in the middle of a rushing river carrying a bunch of logs, and then wondering why there is a logjam.

“How do I keep the river flowing with all of these logs in the way?” she asks, not seeing that keeping herself and her logs out of the river is an option.

It’s a fully self-correcting problem, really.  When we stay out of the way, things take care of themselves in the easiest, most efficient way possible.  

You feel what you feel—which is not “yours” or personal in any way—then it flows downstream and you feel something else.

You don’t have to express or voice it any more than you have to resist or deny it. Thought and emotion are fleeting, designed to change on their own.  You have no required role in the process.

Feel free to can stand on the sidelines and watch the flow.

 

 

Your Problems are not about You

November 6, 2014

I have a friend whose husband just walked out on her and her three young children. She is barely getting by financially, she has some mounting health issues due to the stress she’s experiencing, and she is caring for an elderly parent.  Her circumstances are tough in a way that I can’t pretend to understand. […]

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You are far less stable than you might think (and that’s good news!)

October 30, 2014

How It Looked Then  Fourteen years ago I found myself with a diagnosis: panic disorder. I was having up to 25 panic attacks a day.  Many days, I spent more time in a state of acute anxiety than not. The thing about diagnoses is that they suggest a whole bunch of stuff that may or […]

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No Need to Fix Everything

October 23, 2014

This article is by Judy Sedgeman. Please visit her site to read the rest…it is so worth the click over there. I know you’re going to love it too.  Lately I’ve talked with several clients who are sure that “fixing” something in their circumstances will bring them happiness. One is determined to find a job in […]

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Upcoming!

October 22, 2014

I hope you’re having a great October! I wanted to mention a few of the things you might be interested in, taking place in the near future:   Beginning October 29 (running for 3 consecutive Wednesdays): The Art of Being Human: Living with more Joy, Ease, and Meaning—3 week course ($57). In this three week […]

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The Perfect House (Which Rhymes with Spouse): A Poem by Sue Pettit

October 16, 2014

This poem was written by Sue Pettit and can be found in her beautiful little book of poetry called Coming Home. It is a perfect illustration of the simple truth that the only thing we’re ever experiencing is our own state of mind.   I’d been hunting for a house all day and nothing seemed quite right. […]

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The Trick you Fall for Every day of your Life

October 9, 2014

Imagine that you wrote yourself a really mean letter, detailing all of your flaws and faults.  You put the letter in the mail, addressed to yourself.  A couple days later, it arrives in your mailbox. You read the letter. While it probably doesn’t feel good—it might bring back the shame and judgment you were feeling […]

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Your Best Thinking Got You Here

October 2, 2014

There is a popular saying in addiction recovery. Your best thinking got you here. You did what you did …you’re always doing what you’re doing…because it seemed like the thing to do in that moment. Your best thinking got you here. That doesn’t mean part of you didn’t know there was another way. When you […]

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Stop Trying to be Better and just BE, better.

September 25, 2014

When I stopped “working on myself” and put an end to the all-consuming quest to be better than I already was, life became infinitely nicer.  I used to believe I had a problem: life wasn’t always wonderful. Making myself a more self-actualized, better person looked like the obvious solution. Turns out, all of that supposed […]

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