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You are innately well - you always have been and always will be. If you're not experiencing wellness, you are innocently lost in a thick fog of thought. I can help you cut through the fog to reconnect with the peace of mind, clarity and confidence that are already within you.

I help women suffering from bulimia and binge eating disorder, using an amazingly effective, easy, brilliant new brain-based approach. You don't have to suffer any longer.

Everyone wants to know why. why

Why do I keep doing that? Why don’t I get it yet? Why do I feel this way?

Why is a natural question. We’re curious…so we wonder why. Even more than that, we believe we need to know why so that we can solve our problems.

Our problems look formidable and solid, like something that needs fixing. If we know why we keep doing the same things over and over, we can figure out how to stop doing those things.

Or so we reason.

But it doesn’t really work that way.  Even when we think we know why, we’re usually wrong.

The whys we typically look to are in our past, personality, or circumstances, but those whys miss the mark. They may point to another piece in the psychological puzzle, but what was on your mind isn’t as nearly as helpful as seeing that something was on your mind.

The true answer to why you keep doing the same things over and over is that you do what you do because it’s what occurs to you in the moment.

You do the best you can with what you see.

It’s not about your addictive personality, that you self-sabotage, or that some buried part of you doesn’t actually want to change. It’s rarely about a lack of information or a lack of resources either.

Your choices are your best attempt to take care of yourself, feel better, and return to home base.

Sometimes they achieve that and sometimes they do not. Sometimes they achieve the opposite. When you cheat on your spouse because in that moment it feels like the thing that will bring you love, affection, and passion, you might end up with less love, affection, and passion in the end. That doesn’t mean it wasn’t your best attempt in the moment. It was what seemed like the thing to do, so you did it.

You do what you do because it’s what occurs to you from the state of mind you’re in. There is no deeper or more helpful why than that.

Because think about it, even if you were to find a why you were satisfied with…maybe you realize that you keep cheating because you have a deeply ingrained feeling of inadequacy, or you keep drinking because it numbs the pain of your childhood…

…then what?

Then, you’re left with a lot of work to do to get to the bottom of those issues. I’m not suggesting that understanding yourself in that way can’t be helpful. But it’s probably not the answer that’s going to help you find your way out of your unwanted behavior.

Those are superficial answers that leave you with a lot of digging to do, hoping that digging will be fruitful.

When you see that we all do what occurs to us in the moment, there is massive hope. In any moment, something new might occur to you, and you might do something different instead.

Knowing that you do what occurs to you in the moment leaves you with a lot of choice. No longer are you bound by your deep-seated issues, you’re only “bound” by fleeting, passing-by thought.

You start to get a feel for how to best operate within this system. If your actions are always a reflection of how things look in that moment, and things aren’t looking so good, you don’t have to act just then.

Those urges to cheat that seem like a fix at the time, may not be. So you wait. You don’t act on them. You learn to wait to see how you feel later.

The pull toward your old habit, or getting lost in your familiar, bad feelings, isn’t something you need to figure out or take too seriously. Something new is coming down the pike.

When there is no deeper why than how you currently feel, you are free to wait it out a bit. You may soon have the insight or strength to make a different choice. You might later feel better.

Searching for why gets you deeper into thought about your problem and further from seeing it in a brand new way.  Rather than asking why, know that you’re simply seeing the internal movie that’s playing in that moment—if you don’t like that movie, there will be a different one playing next.

Waiting to See what you Might Do

by Amy on January 22, 2015

There is an idea I’ve been playing with lately—especially in the midst of visionaries, New Years’ resolution-ers, and game-planners. It’s the idea of waiting to see what you might do. anticipation

Waiting to see what you might do is in contrast to deciding what to do. It’s the opposite of mentally making a choice, or coming down on one side or another.

It is watching life move you forward, excitedly waiting to see what you end up doing.

Eagerly anticipating which way inspiration will fling you.

Waiting to see what you might do involves something like being in the unknown, curiously wondering what you might bump into. You have free will. You will do something; make some choice or choices along the way.

It’s not inactive—it’s more like waiting to let those choices be revealed to you, in a way.

It’s not charting a course; it’s jumping in your boat, excited to let the wind guide you but knowing that you’re still going to have some steering to do.

It has nothing to do with being complacent or wishy-washy. It’s no better than mentally choosing and it’s no worse than mentally choosing. It’s different.

It is about putting your faith in something bigger than your little mind, knowing that the combination of your little mind and Universal Mind is a magical combination. You are guided by life force and you have amazing creativity and smarts, and they come together in thrilling ways.

Waiting to see what you might do is about discovering more so than confirming or actively crafting.

Martha Beck once talked about it as feeling for “what wants to happen”. Don’t you love that?

Others talk about it as being in the unknown, or being in a place that feels “pregnant with possibility”, where you’re not inspired to control or shape things because you have the sense that they will be shaped perfectly without your input.

Sounds kind of exhilarating, doesn’t it? I’m learning to love it here.

Hang out for a bit, with me. I think you’ll learn to love it too.

Why Willpower Doesn’t Work

January 8, 2015

I just found out that my upcoming book (it’ll be published by New Harbinger this time next year) will be called The Little Book of Big Change: The No-Willpower Approach to Breaking any Habit. Although I wouldn’t have necessarily thought to describe it as a “no-willpower approach”, it is an accurate description. It’s not that […]

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Playing Dysfunctional Family Bingo–A Conversation about Expectations, Compassion, and Family

December 22, 2014

I loved this conversation with Lian Brook-Tyler, the wise soul behind the Born Happy website.  I told her about the Dysfunctional Family Bingo game (you know it, right?!?), and that spilled into all kinds of practical, deep conversation centered on having truly peaceful holidays (and life, really) no matter what your situation might be. Please […]

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An Invaluable Understanding

December 18, 2014

You’re never going to hear me tell you how to discipline your kid, when to ask for a raise at work, or what you should eat for dinner. I couldn’t possibly know the answers to those questions for you.  I barely know them for myself at times. What I can provide–which is enormously more helpful […]

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Seeing Something that Changes Everything

December 11, 2014

Last month I taught a class about ending unwanted habits, compulsions, and addictions based on the scientific the spiritual principles that freed me of my own binge eating disorder several years ago.  The basic principles are the same ones I write about here each week, and the ones around which my upcoming book on ending […]

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One Simple Question for Happier Relationships

December 4, 2014

The statement “what were you thinking?!” is very different than the question “what were you thinking?” The statement “what were you thinking?!” says: you’re crazy, you’re wrong, you clearly were not thinking, you should have done things differently. The question “what were you thinking?” says: help me understand where you’re coming from… Read the rest […]

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How to Share the Truth (with Wisdom by Willow)

November 20, 2014

I get a lot of questions about how we can teach the things I write about to young children.   Raising children who see the truth about their nature, who are comfortable with emotion, and who know how their experience is created, is a big deal. It’s no exaggeration to say that this understanding could […]

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How to Stop Binge Eating

November 13, 2014

Binge Eating Disorder (BED) is the most common eating disorder in America, affecting roughly 3% of the population. That’s probably an understatement, and that’s still millions of people. And although BED is the most prevalent diagnosed eating disorder, it is also the most misunderstood. BED has nothing to do with willpower or discipline. It’s not […]

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When we Fear Emotion

November 13, 2014

A woman was recently telling me how emotions were not okay in the family in which she grew up.   Feeling bad—and being honest about it—w as not an option. So she learned to pretend that she was feeling okay when she was not. She began to carry on as if everything were wonderful when […]

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