I’m excited to see so many of you jumping into the no-complaint zone! Here are a couple questions people 
have asked about complaining. And one that I made up because I wanted to address it. Hey, at least I’m honest about it.
Q: Sometimes complaining is fun—do I have to stop?
You never have to do anything you don’t want to do. Obviously. That aside, your question is about complaining being fun. I have two answers to this:
Easy answer: If it truly feels good in your body, it’s probably not really complaining. Stating your preference or asking for something to be different than it is can be done in a complaining way or a non-complaining way. You can ask your kids to pick up their toys, or you can go on a 5 minute rant about how they never pick up after themselves. You know the difference.
Saying, “That guy is one shitty driver!” (as I often do, with a smile and laugh) is also not complaining. If you’re mad about it = complaining. If you’re amused by it = not complaining.
Coach-y answer: Ask yourself, “What’s fun about it?” Is it that you are forming a bond with other complainers? If so, maybe there are healthier ways to connect with others that would benefit you more. Is it that you have an outlet for your frustration? Then having an outlet is what feels good, not the complaining.
Q: If focusing on negative stuff feels so bad, why is it so hard to stop?
Well, that’s a paradox of life. “Bad” is often familiar or safe, and that sometimes wins out over good. Complaining is also a habit and habits can be difficult to change. Imagine that every time you complain your brain fires off a specific combination of neurons. Over time, those neurons are aimed and ready to go…the trigger gets really loose and before you know it, you’re complaining again.
However…habits are changed every day. Every time you consciously shift away from a focus on the negative, you change the mental pattern. The most important determinant of whether you’ll succeed in changing your habits is whether or not you give up. DON’T GIVE UP. We usually give up RIGHT before the new habit takes hold.
Q: If I stop complaining, isn’t that just blindly accepting things as they are? How can I get what I want, stand up for myself, express my opinion, etc. if I don’t complain?
Oooh, I love this question. It’s almost as if I wrote it myself.
As I mentioned above, stating your desires or preferences is not the same thing as complaining. Not even close. If you are unsure, it’s probably complaining. But check in with how it feels in your body to know for sure.
Instead of complaining in order to create change, how about making requests? So, rather than, “I don’t like how you let the sushi rice get so soggy that it floats in our soy sauce”, try, “I would love it if you’d minimize the time your sushi is in the sauce. Or grab your own soy sauce dish. Thanks!” Rather than, “My job sucks!”, try, “Dear boss, could we work on changing my tasks to something that suits me better?”
You go, non-complainers!
