From the category archives:

Change

Non-Attachment? Or simply not Choosing?

March 8, 2012

I have a client who used to live his life in the future. He was in his head, planning, predicting, trying to control things before they occurred. It wasn’t all that pleasant for him, as you can imagine. So, he started working on his stuff and made some shifts. Except that he shifted a little [...]

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Why things get Worse before they get Better

January 5, 2012

When you’re embarking on growth or change, there’s a massive force holding you back. I’m not talking about the ruts in your brain that encourage you to go along with old habits, although those are forces, too. Our brain becomes programmed in certain ways and it takes some momentum to push through those ruts in [...]

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What to do when Positive Affirmations feel Negative

December 15, 2011

I love positive affirmations. But only when I’m feeling good and want to feel even better. When you feel good, affirmations feel like a healthy stretch into what could be possible. Things like “I love and accept myself” or “Good things are coming my way” feel kind of…true. Or potentially true, at least. And when [...]

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Are you harshing your own buzz?

September 22, 2011

All the coolest research says making small progress on the way to a big goal makes us happier than actually reaching the goal. When we reach those stepping stone mini-goals, our brain rewards us with a quick hit of dopamine. In case you’re not up on your neurotransmitters, dopamine is the bringer of pleasure and [...]

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The cast of characters in your life

August 4, 2011

Every once and a while I talk to someone who asks permission to end a friendship. They say something like, “Is it really okay that I stop calling?”, or “I can’t just ‘break-up’ with her…can I?”  Here’s my view on relationships: Life is like a play—there are many scenes and a rotating cast of characters. [...]

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Guilt is the love of staying stuck

July 15, 2011

Guilt is an interesting emotion, isn’t it? It’s the same as regret, basically, except guilt involves an extra dose of “I suck” that plain old regret doesn’t always have.  Guilt is choosing to feel badly about something that’s done and over. Arguing with reality because you chose to believe it should have of went down [...]

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Truth or “La, la, la”?

June 30, 2011

We were at dinner with friends the other night—our friends (another couple) and their teenage daughter. Our friends had just returned from a vacation where they left both teenage daughters at home. I asked the one that was having dinner with us, “So did you and your sister throw some wild parties while your parents [...]

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You First.

May 19, 2011

No one wants to go first. We want someone else to go first to make it easier on us. But one of my coaches always reminds me: “You first”. You want them to think you’re awesome and then you’ll feel awesome. If they think you’re awesome first, it’ll be much easier for you to agree. [...]

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My BAD. As another example for you.

April 17, 2011

…In case you’re stuck, I’ll share another example. One from my life. It’s not my primary or earliest BAD, but it’s one off them.  My mom was dating a man I strongly disliked. I thought I’d be really mature about it and have a talk with her about finally dumping him. I was about 9 [...]

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The Case for Changing your Environment

March 3, 2011

Feeling more of the good stuff—joy, gratitude, peace—is an inside job. No doubt about it. I mean, if you have a hard time changing your own thoughts, feelings, and actions (and I know you sometimes do), what makes you think you can control someone else’s thoughts, feeling, and actions? The safer bet is to change [...]

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