We hear people say it all the time in different words. They say:
I don’t want to feel this
How do I fix this?
Why is this happening?
Things weren’t supposed to go this way
When will I feel/be/do differently?
We want things the way we want them. And as much as wanting what we want is human and normal, getting only what we want is not.
The fewer opinions I have about what I’m experiencing in any given moment, the better life gets.
Content? Great. Grateful? Nice. Contemplative? Okay. Sad and introspective? No problem, it’ll end soon. It always does. It never has not.
Rude or insensitive? Apologize and move on. There’s no problem and nothing to do. Thought, feeling, and behavior are always moving whether we like it or not. We couldn’t hold it in place if we wanted to. So why do we spend so much time and energy trying to move it along more quickly? We’re interfering with nature, thinking we can “do life” better than life does on its own.
Being human is a constantly changing, self-correcting revolving door, always clearing out old and making way for new.
That revolving door wants to revolve; it’s made to spin and move. Our human experience is the same. Our psychology is the same. There is no stable “there” there.
But when we pile on our opinions, judgments, resistance, and manipulations we slow the flow. It’s like one of those motorized revolving doors that moves on its own—when you push it it gets harder, not easier. You’re trying to muscle over something that is already working just fine.
So try caring far less about how you feel in any single moment in time and see what happens. You can have your opinions and preferences for more—nicer—faster. You are human, after all. Just see if you can take those opinions a little less seriously.
Being in life in this way is a really different experience of being human than the one most adults are used to. I bet it’s one you come to love.