If it’s Taking Too Long to Change, This Might be Why (Part 2)

In Part 1 of this exploration on why you might not be experiencing as much change as you’d like, I suggested you take a look at where you’re planting you in the equation. 

(You can read Part 1 here if you missed it).

Where you might be taking the simple description of how life works that I share, and trying to apply it to your personal identity that you call me. Where you’re trying to apply universal truths to the specifics of your life.

While that’s really normal and human—it’s what a mind does—it confuses things. It takes you away from the essence and into the weeds.

It takes you away from the Principles that are always true and toward mind-made exceptions. Away from simple truth and into complex thoughts.

So look into that for yourself, will you?

There’s another question you can consider that might show you why change isn’t happening the way you’d like.

It’s this. Or these, I should say: Do you care how change looks? Do you have expectations for how change looks? Do you think you know how change will go?

Now here’s where this can get tricky—our assumptions, expectations, and preferences are nothing but thoughts. They are completely made up, but they are often invisible to us.

You might be swimming in “Of course I should have experienced x by now”, not at all realizing that that’s not true. It looks like a clear and obvious fact but you’ve made it up.

Or, somewhere in the back of your mind, you might be comparing how you feel to how someone else appears to feel. It just looks like “the way it is”.

But there is no “way it is” when it comes to this stuff. There is no “way it is” when it comes to life changing insights.

I love introducing brand new people to this understanding.

Here’s how it very often goes with a newbie: Nice person is doing life the hard way and continually getting stuck in a habit, anxiety, or some other issue.

Nice person stumbles into my orbit and is curious. They step into this understanding not knowing what they are getting into, just knowing that they want to feel freer and this might help.

Nice person starts to see things about how life works that blow their mind. They begin to feel hopeful, seeing that there is a clear way out and it’s much closer than they previously thought.

Nice person experiences some change. And then nice person gets really excited and wants to slam on the gas. They want to speed up their change, help it along, fast track this awesome experience they are having.

More change! Faster!

They begin to look around at others, seeing how it’s going for them. They watch transformation stories and want what those people have. They make assumptions about what life must be like for people who “get it”.

They are innocently filling their heads with more and more made up thinking, which ironically leads to them seeing less. And they are doing it all in the name of getting more, faster.

They are overthinking it. Thinking-over the truth they were already seeing before they decided to take charge and make change happen faster.

This I-see-something-helpful-now-let-me-step-in-and-make-it-even-better is what minds do. And it gets in the way.

Because our nature is perfect and whole already, experiencing that is a less-is-more kind of thing. Add less, see more.

So see if you can see things impersonally. Look toward the essence of how life works rather than how your life works.

And show up dumb. You have no clue how change will look, what form it will take, what should or shouldn’t happen. And you have no preferences in the matter…none that you take seriously, anyway.

I bet that changes things.


**If you work with people and you’d like to help them achieve deep change that sticks, you might be interested in this.

Become Your Own Habit-Free Success Story!

The Little School of Big Change is a guided, 6-week program designed to help you overcome anxiety and unwanted habits without needing to rely on willpower or self-discipline.

Learn More

Get The Little Book of Big Change

You already have the power to end your habits and live the life you want. In The Little Book of Big Change, I help you see yourself and your habits in a way that leads to deep, lasting freedom.

Buy The Book