“Making up” your Mind. And Allowing it to Change.

There’s nothing more attractive than a mind that’s willing to change.

Because think about it—a mind that is fluid and moving, not dug in, entrenched or made up, is a guarantee that your experience is going to change. It’s a promise that you won’t stay upset for long, that things are always changing, and that you’ll bounce right back to your innate well-being in no time.

A mind that’s willing to change is freedom from the mythical and much dreaded place called “stuck”.

I once worked with an incredible woman who was going through an extremely difficult divorce. She had been betrayed—big time—by her husband but wanted him back nonetheless. She was as stuck in suffering as anyone I’d ever met.

As we talked, the source of her stuckness became clear. She had made up her mind that her life without him would never be nearly as good as it was with him. Betrayal and reality (he had no intentions of coming back to the marriage) aside, she was unwavering: life with him was far superior to life without him.

With conviction that strong, my hands were a bit tied. She entertained the possibility that she was wrong but I’m pretty she was only trying to pacify me; only going through the motions.

She considered the fact that her mind truly was “made up”, as in she made up the rule that life without this man must be worse than life with him. She considered it for a second but…not really. She couldn’t see it because it was so inconsistent with what she already decided was true.

It’s like the fish who says, “Water? What’s water?” Her own verdict about the state of her life was so final and all-encompassing that it was no longer a belief we could observe. It was simply what was and what is can be near impossible to see.

She will let go of her made up mind someday and she’ll allow it to change. When that happens—when she allows just an ounce of surrender—her inherent peace of mind will come rushing up to meet her.

So if you’re feeling stuck in something, remember: you’re the one who made up your own mind and you can always allow it change. There’s nothing more attractive than that.

 

 

 

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