When You Think You’re Not in Love Anymore

I bet you’ve known someone whose feelings shifted and they decided they were no longer in love with the person they used to be in love with. out of love

Maybe it’s even been you.

When you fall out of love, it can really look like the person you used to love changed. Something that was once there now seems missing.

Or, sometimes it seems like you’re the one who changed. You know it’s you, but it still feels like it happened to you and you have no idea how to get the old feelings back.

Sometimes people grow apart and preferences change. That definitely happens sometimes.

But more often than that, your own thinking changes and you pin it on the people around you.  You say, “I don’t feel the way I used to”. And you’re right, you don’t. But not because you no longer love the person you’re with. Because you’re now caught up in a lot of thought and that thought-storm doesn’t feel good.

When you don’t feel love, you are often thinking too much to let love in. It’s not about your partner, your relationship, or the state of your life. It’s about the temporary state of your mind, nothing else. 

When you take your thinking seriously and pin it on the people around you, you all lose. So please, don’t do that.

Remember that the love you feel is a reflection of the thinking in your mind in that moment and that thinking (and thus feelings) change when we allow them to. See if you can step back and allow your mind to settle.

Then, without the parade of personal thought marching by (he always does that, she’s not interesting anymore, I made a mistake, I’m bored), when your mind is calm and still, you’ll feel differently.

And you’ll have clarity. But only then.

You can’t think your way out of a problem because most problems are created by thought. And you can’t easily think yourself into feeling love when you don’t.

But because clarity is there underneath the parade of thought, as long as you wait out the parade and don’t start jumping on any floats, you’ll catch up with your clarity in the end.

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