I went to class, but only when there was an open seat right by the door. I can’t tell you how many times I walked by the classroom, saw that the only open seats were way across the room, and kept walking.
I went to the grocery store once every two weeks, or as little as I could get away with. I would have killed for Instacart in the early 2000s.
I attended the occasional psych department happy hour but only when it was outside or at one of the local pubs that I knew to be big and airy. Even then, I always left early.
And that’s pretty much it. I spent a ton of time in my tiny apartment, so much so that 20 years later I remember every crack in the plaster and scuff on the linoleum kitchen floor.
The only thing going on was that I was terrified of my feelings. I thought my feelings came from the world around me so by extension, I was afraid of the world.
Afraid of feelings that appear to come from the world leaves one saying no…a lot. I said no to everything. Invitations, opportunities, but mostly to any little sensation or thought that looked like “anxiety”.
When you say no, your world shrinks. Duh.
Want your world to grow? Say yes to the feelings that arise. All of them. Saying yes moves you straight through them into a place of power and freedom. A place where you say yes more and more.
Want your world to be infinite?
Welcome everything that shows up as if it’s perfect. Life can’t not be truly infinite when anything that shows up is welcome.
