Dr. Amy Johnson Blog’s

Today I’m going to share a bit about my experience in silence. If you missed my first message about why anyone would choose to go on a silent retreat, you can read that here. And if you missed my second message about meditation on retreat and what that’s all about, read that one here. Before I share some

I’m back to speak to another common question about silent retreats – whether you need meditation experience. The real question might be: Is “meditation” what a silent retreat is all about? (If you missed the last message about why anyone would choose to sit in silence for a week, you can check that one out here.) The

I am so excited to announce my upcoming Silent Retreat, February 23 – 28, 2025, in beautiful Gatlinburg, Tennessee. Over the next several weeks I’ll speak to a number of questions I’ve heard from people who are intrigued by the idea of a silent retreat, but who are unsure why one would commit to a whole

Today’s article is written by Change Coach Lindsey Elliott Doesn’t life sometimes feel pretty complex and full? I have been contemplating simplicity recently after feeling an inner nudge to simplify my life where I can, and to slow down. During the lock downs due to Covid-19 many of us would have experienced a more simple and

Today’s article is written by Change Coach Suzie Yeulett You’ll often see or hear people talking about the benefit of having a quiet mind. I talk about this too, but recently I’ve been trying to get more clarity around it and specifically what it actually means! It’s pretty impossible to maintain a quiet mind for very long

Today’s article is written by Change Coach Lindsey Elliott There is a lot of emphasis on self-care today, especially for women. And this a good thing on so many levels. However like most concepts in modern life, even this can feel over complicated, or like a pressure. It can become an extra thing to do or

Today’s article is written by Change Coach Alex Linares Imagine you are driving to a new city using your GPS and at first it seems to navigate you out of your home city accurately so you are closely paying attention to every direction and prompt it provides. But as you get farther from the city it

Today’s article is written by Change Coach Lindsey Elliott I want you to imagine, if you will, a light bulb covered in hundreds of sticky notes. Written on the notes is a variety of words such as: “Kind”“Lazy”“Woman”“Too fat”“Stressed”“Anxious”“Generous”“Hardworking”“Intelligent”“Unfit”“Thinks of others”“Successful”“A failure”“Untidy”“Useless” The light that shines from the light bulb is covered over by all the sticky labels,

Today’s article is written by Change Coach Karli Naglick Lately, I have been curious about all of the things that I think I “know.” We all move through the day based on what we think we “know.” For example, we know when we need to wake up, we know what we have to get done, we

Today’s article was written by Change Coach Suzie Yeulett Mental health and feelings of well-being are actually our natural state, but they get covered up through life and our conditioning, like scratches on glass distort an otherwise clear view. As newborns, we react and respond to life naturally without thought or limitation. As we grow up, we

Today’s article was written by Change Coach Lindsey Elliott We all feel overwhelmed from time to time. It’s a normal human experience. But if we feel overwhelmed much of the time this can become debilitating for our mental and physical health. Life in our society seems rather conducive to being overloaded with all we ‘have’ to

Today’s article was written by Change Coach Lindsey Elliott I recently had my 50th birthday, where this photo was taken. A half century of life lived. It’s got me somewhat reflective and contemplative. Not in a kind of “I’m going to live in a cave and meditate on the meaning of life” way. But more in a

Today’s article was written by Change Coach Lindsey Elliott The Cambridge dictionary definition of procrastination is: ‘the act of delaying something that must be done, often because it is unpleasant or boring’. I would also add to that, ‘something we believe is hard or we won’t be able to achieve or complete’. Almost all of us will have

Today’s article was written by Change Coach Suzie Yeulett Once you see the inside out nature of life, it’s natural to become more tolerant and understanding, because we can only ever see the world through our own lens, or point of perspective, and so can everyone else. That still references an outward view, but from the inside

Today’s article was written by Change Coach Karli Naglick I have recently enjoyed exploring the channels of some uniquely creative YouTubers. I particularly love one channel that features three Siberian Huskies named Tikanni, Kita, and Tehya. These dogs have the most amazing “husky howls.” Kita is described as having the “classic awoo,” Tehya sounds like the

Today’s article was written by Change Coach Missy Maiorano Many years ago, our family had to say good-bye to our sweet German shepherd, Bailey. She was the kindest, most loving dog we could have asked for. We only had her for 8 short years, but in that time, she became a true Maiorano—”one of the girls”—along

Today’s article was written by Change Coach Lindsey Elliott What if the key to happiness is about subtracting something from our life, rather than adding to it? What if “10 Steps To Happiness” really is a myth? (I wanted to use a swear word there but restrained myself!) The current consciousness of most of Western society tells us

Today’s article was written by Change Coach Kristina Bruce I remember being at the end of Byron Katie’s 9-day School for The Work, and she was delivering parting words to us attendees. She held her hands up, palms facing each other at a distance apart, and then drew them closer to each other, then back out again.

Today’s article was written by Change Coach Lindsey Elliott I am sure you are like me, and have areas of your life that seem to flow easily. Yet there are others where you struggle to make changes. For some of us we might have an easy time with success at work and yet can’t seem to

Today’s article was written by Change Coach Anton McCarthy Some time ago, the sky was blue, and the waves were gentle. But I felt a creeping uneasiness. It was gradual at first, but my suspicion was it would build. I had become familiar with how a persistent collection of thoughts seemed to do that — hang around. How could I feel

Today’s article was written by Change Coach Suzie Yeulett I’m suggesting a trust experiment to play with. It’s a simple idea, based on how I see the World and our role in it (or life itself, in other words.) Are you serious? Throughout the day, our conditioned (survival) mind will jump in with ‘what ifs’ to help prepare

Today’s article was written by Change Coach Kristina Bruce I’ve noticed a theme amongst the clients I work with who are recovering from life-long dieting and weight loss attempts: they want to be “better”. I deeply resonate with this drive, and I’m sure you can too. If not in the area of wanting to change your body,

Today’s article was written by Change Coach Kristina Bruce I woke up really tired today. My almost 2-year old daughter is home with me for a couple weeks before pre-school starts, and as you can imagine, it’s a tad tiring. (Though we are looking cute in the picture below). See, I’m someone who needs her sleep! When I don’t

Today’s article was written by Change Coach Kelly O’Connell “It’s ruined. I’m a failure.” I woke up in the middle the night and realized I hadn’t done a class on my Peloton app the day before. You see, I made a commitment to myself starting January 1 to complete 365 days of Peloton classes IN A

Today’s article was written by Change Coach Suzie Yeulett I find myself just noticing life unfolding more and more. Something has shifted so that I see myself as the ‘noticer’, or the perceiver of life, rather than the ‘doer’ more often. I first felt this shift when my Mum was at her end of life. It was as

Today’s article was written by Change Coach Kristina Bruce Anxiety came knocking on my door the other day, and walked right into my house. It’s still here actually, sitting on my couch, looking quite comfortable. I have no idea when it will leave. My immediate reaction when it arrived was, “Oh, you again.” Instead of welcoming it in,

Today’s article was written by Change Coach Lindsey Elliott A few days ago I had an insight about makeup. It was quite an innocent, small thought but it led me to see again that what I think isn’t necessarily true. I was thinking about a friend of mine who I know to be confident, grounded, strong, independent

Today’s article was written by Change Coach Becky Anderson As I have been building my coaching business and what feels like “putting myself out there”, so many insecurities have come up for me that do not seem to fit the situation. And what I realized recently is that of course they have. My brain has had

Today’s article was written by Change Coach Dave Fry The words may not do this story justice because it felt like swimming under giant waves in the ocean. You know when you watch the surfers fall off their boards into those rolling waves and wonder why they’re not shredded into pieces from the crushing force? Supposedly,

Today’s article was written by Change Coach Becky Gagnon The other day, I went paragliding. It was spur-of-the-moment decision. While traveling in Switzerland, I took a bus to Chamonix for the day, just to see the cute little Alpine ski town. I figured they’d have good chocolate or something. I got off the bus, and breathed in the

Today’s article was written by Change Coach Suzie Yeulett Water does not resist, it flows A river adapts to whatever surroundings it comes up against and continues to flow – it will find a way to go where it wants to go. Since life, like a river, is constantly moving and changing without our direction, there’s less for

Today’s article was written by Change Coach Pam Hall I wonder what would happen if I were to deeply realize that my journey is a spiritual journey? That it has nothing to do with my weight, the way that I eat, the number on the scale, or the way my body feels. I wonder if I could

Today’s article was written by Change Coach Becky Gagnon I realized something lately: I don’t have to think about the outcome of the things I do. I can see now that it’s that simple, but it didn’t look that way to me until very recently. So if this notion sounds crazy to you, I get it. Let

Today’s article was written by Change Coach Sarah Edwards I used to have a full-blown relationship with my Apple Watch. I would gaze at it several times a minute to check how my day was going…emails, texts, step count, calories burned, my bank balance, my diary…signs of atrial fibrillation. Technology for a busy person perpetually in forward

Today’s article was written by Change Coach Kristina Bruce The other day I posted a video to YouTube titled “You DON’T Need to WORRY About What You Eat. Here’s Why”. It garnered a comment from someone who seemed quite upset that I was telling people not to care about what they eat (and subsequently not care about

For me, “waking up” has been a little like defrosting a freezer with a hair dryer. I’ve personally never defrosted a freezer with a hair dryer, but I’ve watched my husband do it. Heat is applied and at first, nothing appears to happen. Little by little, an inch of ice at a time becomes watery and shinier

Today’s article was written by Change Coach Lindsey Elliott I heard a statistic the other day that 95% of the thoughts we had yesterday, we will have today!! I’m not sure how this has been measured but it certainly feels true to me. No wonder that we all struggle with habits, addictions, low self-esteem, lack of confidence,

Today’s article was written by Change Coach Suzie Yeulett Your whole life is lived in the present moment. Your memories are just thoughts, carried through time into the present. The future never arrives; it’s made up of thoughts of what might happen next. You don’t need to re-suffer what has happened in the past by using your memory this

Today’s article was written by Change Coach Alex Linares Today I managed to make it to hot yoga despite all my mind’s protest regarding all the other things I should do. The last few weeks at work have been testing my ability to remember this understanding, the universe asking like a toddler: how grounded are you when

Today’s article was written by Change Coach Becky Gagnon I hear this phrase often from people who want to lose weight: “I just don’t feel like myself at this weight. I want to feel like myself again.” Here’s the thing though: you ARE yourself. You are yourself. Your “you-ness” doesn’t come from your body. How could it? If it did,

In a recent LSBC call, a woman was talking about how her mind is always trying to be in control. Constantly scrambling to know everything, so that it can protect and prevent. That is its job, after all. I guess what it really comes down to, she concluded after a moment of reflection, is a deep, human

Today’s article was written by Change Coach Lindsey Elliott You know the kind of thinking I am talking about….it whirls around, and around in your head, and demands that you do something about this situation/behavior/person NOW! You feel compelled, uncomfortable, angry, resentful, anxious… and it all looks so urgent, demanding action now. It can be very hard

When I was struggling with anxiety, my world was tiny. I went to class, but only when there was an open seat right by the door. I can’t tell you how many times I walked by the classroom, saw that the only open seats were way across the room, and kept walking.  I went to the grocery

When I talk about leaning into everything that arises with curiosity, it’s a little like watching a dramatic movie scene with no musical soundtrack telling you how you’re supposed to feel.  The dramatic soundtrack may be playing, but your curiosity allows you to see that as a lens rather than as reality.  When you’re exploring what’s arising

There is an incredibly clear way life shows you that you’re seeing things through a thick and biased filter of thought. It shows you through discomfort. When you’re feeling things like resistance, self-consciousness, guilt, regret, shame, or anxiety, you’re identified with experience as if it’s “yours”; as if you’re a separate “me” to whom life is happening. Rumi

There’s a worm addicted to eatinggrape leaves.Suddenly, he wakes up,call it grace, whatever, somethingwakes him, and he’s no longera worm.He’s the entire vineyard,and the orchard too,the fruit, the trunks,a growing wisdom and joythat doesn’t needto devour.–This is How a Human Being Can Change by Rumi The worm doesn’t break his grape leaf addiction by cutting out

Everything you experience and everything you see in the world around you is filtered through the often invisible, yet incredibly powerful lens of me-and-my-life. For starters, it looks like there is a you, separate from life, having a life. It looks like there is a you, separate from life, to whom good, bad, wanted and unwanted

A habit or ongoing problem, by definition, requires memory. It requires a brain that pulls ideas, concepts, and memories through time and draws sweeping conclusions about them. A brain that says, “This thing happened in the past, so I assume it’ll happen again in the future.” Without a past and future conversation, there’s just Now. Anything that’s

It can look like we’re responsible for making things happen. Life looks like our responsibility. Our outcomes, including our own peace of mind, happiness, and anything we want to change, appear to be up to us to figure out. But what if change is not up to us? What if human minds love to take credit for things,

Suffering is feedback, showing us that we’re attached to ideas and thoughts that appear true, but aren’t. For example, when you believe you’re not good enough or life should be other than how it is, you suffer. That suffering is alerting you to your identification with a fleeting, false idea. Like suffering, habits and anxiety are

We’ve been led to believe that our thoughts and feelings are ours to manage and control. At the very least, most people believe there are things we can do to help our mind relax or to help ourselves feel better. But what if thoughts and feelings change completely on their own, all the time? You couldn’t stop

When in doubt, feel.Feeling what’s arising is the ironic way to suffer less. Yes, leaning into discomfort makes it not feel so much like discomfort. The resistance is gone. The hiding and fear are gone. Leaning into safe, perfect energy is all there is.When you feel, what wants to happen is happening. It’s a relief,

This may sound like some overshared zen saying.But seriously.Things can never, and will never, be different from how they are. Not now, not in the past, and not even in the future.Life will only and always be exactly as it is. No different, no better, no worse. It’s a literal fantasy land to think that

I know someone who experiences some low energy, depression-type feelings fairly often and has for a long time.His experience of this has changed for the better over time. He resists it less than he used to. He believes his mind’s stories and judgments about “him and his depression” far less than he used to. He

Birds don’t know how to build nests. They just build nests. Nests are built as this thing we label ‘bird’ instinctually does some stuff.When it’s migration time, they don’t know how or when or where to fly. Wings are flapped and flying happens. Birds’ knowledge, their decisions, their ability, or their clarity have nothing to

Everything about our psychological experience is temporary, in motion, and relatively superficial. We feel impacted by it, no question. But the impact we feel is the moving, changing energy taking form as thoughts and feelings. It’s our psychology, our human weather. Those weather patterns move through us, we feel them, and then they’re promptly replaced

What if there is no actual reason for anything? I mean, there is and there isn’t. In the linear, cause and effect, mentally created story of life, there are oodles of reasons. Everything has a reason in that world. In a way, that world is completely made up of reasons, causes, explanations, and if-this-then-that’s. In that world, you’re

I was talking with someone the other day who was telling me that she has some decisions to make about her kids’ school. I asked what she needs to decide. She didn’t answer my question. Instead, she explained that every time she pulls through the drop-off line, her mind starts spinning. Are we in the right

Rather than being drawn outward, toward thoughts, sensations, stories, and the world “out there”, stay as the awareness of it all.Rest as the screen rather than getting lost in the movie.Rest as the light that illuminates what’s constantly moving and changing, rather than identifying with the moving and changing things being illuminated.Rest in your heart

Life is already living you, making your decisions, steering you along the way. It always has been.Life doesn’t care if you see that it works this way or not. It’s still living you. There is nothing you must see or know in order for this to be the case.I’m not talking about things being predestined;

When we sense who-we-are beyond thought, we feel our way into a completely empty moment, pregnant with the possibility of anything but full of nothing.The left-brain-created identity “you” isn’t there. Your identity is created and recreated in each and every moment. There is no slightly better or slightly worse version of “you” camped out, waiting

Life is seen as it’s seen, not as it is.What is seen is filtered through thought. It can’t not be. How could life ever be viewed “as it is”, unfiltered? What even is “as it is”? How would we know?What we do know is that, despite the way our language can converge to agree that

The old paradigm implies that we are our psychological experience. We are the sum of our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. We are the “me” identity our left-brain interpreter constructs for us. We have a personality that is stable and meaningful, that tells the world who-we-are.The new paradigm couldn’t be more different. In the new paradigm,

You are life. You aren’t a separate me who has a life, as if you’re outside of life, owning some little corner of it. There are no corners. There is no separation and so there is no one to own anything. You and life are one in the same.Life wants to live. I mean, it looks

As Linda woke up to the fact that her mind was trying to help her, but that its conclusions were not accurate or helpful, she was less fooled by it. She saw the wisdom in her habit.She realized that she didn’t have a hard time kicking the wine habit because she was weak or seriously

The only thing ever going on when there is any bit of discomfort or discontent is this: a thought believed.Thought arises and is viewed as all-there-is.There is never anything else going on. Thought arises and is viewed as truth. That’s it.It is that simple, but here’s why it won’t feel so simple: it will most

When we think our experience is all there is, we’re often afraid to look at it. When it feels uncomfortable or dangerous and true and personal, we numb. We avoid. We look away. We distract ourselves from our experience of life in countless ways, like staying chronically busy, needing to be surrounded by people or noise,

I talked with Clare Dimond a few weeks ago about this quote from The Little Book of Big Change:“Your habit is not “you” and it is not personal. It is simply your brain doing what it does.”We dissected this quote line by line.Your habit is not “you”. Of course it isn’t. Who or what is

This supposed thing we call a mind isn’t real.That may be obvious.Mind isn’t a thing. It’s just another thought-label used to lump more thought together to give it an apparent source.Like, “This is what my mind says” or “That’s just what minds do”. That sort of thing.Mind may be a helpful shortcut as far as

Our January guest speaker in The Little School of Big Change Graduate Community was Gary Crowley.Gary’s written several books. In one of them, From Here to Here, he talks about how awakening to enlightenment is the direct result of freedom from the illusion of the separate, volitional self.In other words, there is no you making

The search for something that will make us feel complete can literally never be won.I’m not saying it’s difficult, it will run you ragged, or maybe try something else instead.I’m saying it’s impossible.The idea that something can be missing–the seeking itself–is the illusion of separation. It’s the illusion that there is a fragile, needy “me”

Minds think their survival, which is really the body’s survival, depends on them knowing all they can about you and your weaknesses so they can save you from future failure. One of their favorite tools for knowing the future is comparison.Comparison is how the mind secures its position as “safe” and “enough.” To a mind,

I had a falling dream the other night.My son and I were crawling across a steel beam that was about two feet wide and 1000 feet off the ground. We were doing it together, inch by inch, very slowly and very carefully. Our deaths were highly probable and we knew it. As we inched across the

I recently spoke to an amazing group of Rewilding Guides in Angus & Rohini Ross’ Rewilding Training Program. The question that kicked off our discussion was: “Is awareness enough?”What’s not enough to realize freedom, is awareness of some pattern or experience that still looks like “me” or “mine”. This often happens in therapy and sometimes

Since you were about eighteen months old, thought has been masquerading as you.It began labeling and naming things and people, including a very special label called “me”. Anything felt to be arising around “your” particular bodymind became you and yours, me and mine. Sensations felt in the body were called “my feelings”. Thoughts in awareness

In the name of protection and survival, minds look for unsettled business they can resolve on your behalf. When you’re lying in bed, unable to sleep, your mind could create any number of happy memories, but it focuses on problems it can solve, as Matthew’s mind was doing. It replays misunderstandings and has conversations with

On one level, it definitely appears as if we’re responsible for saying and doing the right things, we have some degree of free will, and we make choices throughout life that matter.And on another level, you have to wonder: How do we do all that?If we have free will over our actions, why do we

We have a lot of discussions in The Little School of Big Change about how change happens. Not how our mind generalizes and narrates change, and not a comparison of how things used to be versus how they are now. But about how change actually happens.This feels like a question I should be able to answer

If no thought is The Truth, and what we experience as reality is always changing, how do we know anything? How do we make it through life?We are lived. We’re moved through life by the formless energy that is who-we-are. It guides us, bringing experience to life moment-by-moment in real time.We’re lived by the space beyond

Here’s something crazy to think about.Every single thing you know about your identity, and every single thing you know about your life, is rooted in the past.Who are you? You can only answer that question–using words and descriptions, anyway–by referring to the past.You’re a sister or brother or so-and-so’s child? How could you know that

We’ve come to expect our mind to behave the way we want it to rather than pausing to understand how minds naturally operate. It would be like bringing Jelly home for the first time and after a few hours saying, “This one’s too hyper. Her bark is too squeaky. She doesn’t work the way we imagined.” It’d

Several years ago, I was preparing to lead a live workshop, and I went to the venue to check on some logistics. I experienced panic attacks for a long time, but at this particular point, I hadn’t felt anything I would consider anxiety or panic for at least six or seven years.At the venue, I

Before last week, Miller’s last haircut was in February 2020.He loved his long hair. He loved the way it flowed behind him when he ran. He loved that people called him Malibu Miller and told him he looked like a surfer or a European footballer. He loved that many of his friends wanted to grow

I learned to worry at an early age.My mom worried a lot, often aloud, and I had no clue that what she was worrying about wasn’t real. You don’t as a kid.We were going to run out of money. We’d have to eat canned soup every night. We were going to lose our house. My

If you’ve read Just a Thought (now available in the US, by the way!), you know why I find it so important to see what minds do.When we see, we don’t take it so personally. We get to be awake to it even while it’s happening.When we see, we realize it’s love and intelligence whether

Lucy asked, “Doesn’t the fact that my mind is always creating this identity, doling out these warnings and fears, mean there must be something to them? Why else would my mind go there so often?”“What if it’s just the opposite?” I asked back. “If fear and insecurity are innately, deeply who-you-are, why would your mind

Shhh…Be quiet. Find a right-now moment. Now. This one.What’s happening right now? What’s happening before thought?Before the narrator jumps up and starts narrating this right-now moment, what’s actually happening?Anything?Nothing?That’s what I find too. Before thought, in right-now, nothing is happening.The narrator in your head is the source of “things happening”. It tells a story about

This is Bean.And this is how Bean likes to relax, in a full on sprawl, often (though not in this picture), draped over the air conditioning vent.One thing I always notice about my dogs is how deeply and completely they relax. They seem to have no problem falling limp, not an ounce of tension in

I’m unbelievably grateful that I am no longer caught up in the binge eating habit that felt so powerful for eight years.I’m grateful that I no longer have panic attacks, near-constant worry, and so many irrational fears and insecurities.But when someone asked me recently if I was proud of myself for leaving these behind, the

I have a framed picture of Planet Earth, taken from outer space, hanging on my office wall. I love looking at that picture, especially when my mind is caught up in something that feels personal and up to me to figure out. From up in our spaceship, “me” and “my problems” disappear. Concepts like good and

As much as minds love to solve problems, compare and contrast, pro and con, and create “someday” carrots to dangle in front of us with the promise of lasting fulfillment, perhaps the thing they do most naturally and most often is dramatize.buy cenforce online buy cenforce no prescription no prescriptionIronically, the drama can be hard

 Of all the questions people send to Ask Amy, a good number of them are loosely around what I call “morning dread”.People saying they wake up with a feeling of dread that dissipates throughout the day, but is immediate and strong in the morning and they want to know why.They want a reason. They want

I listen to a lot of recorded coaching sessions during the Change Coach Training. The coaches send me their sessions so that I can provide feedback.I often listen to their clients say things like, “I’ve listened to so many podcasts, why do I still feel bad?” Or, “I’ve been around this understanding for X months/years,

Minds love dramatic statements. They also love ceilings, boxes, and limits.So, your brain will spit out all sorts of sensational statements that, if you don’t know better, you might be very tempted to take seriously.It’ll say things like “I can’t handle this”.“I don’t know how I’ll make it through.”“I’m lost. I’m floundering. I don’t know

We had a nest of 6 baby bunnies in the bush outside our front door. I can’t even begin to express in words how adorable they were. Checking on these baby bunnies (from a safe distance, of course), discussing where their mother was, making bets on their birthday, provided hours of entertainment.We knew their time

In the LSBC curriculum, I ask students to imagine their psyche as a dinner plate. It used to look to me like all people were born with a clean, perfectly clear dinner plate. But little by little, life takes a toll on our plate. You get teased or left out–there’s a scratch on your plate.Some traumatic event

It appears as if the experience we’re in–what we see, think, and feel–is the truth, reality, all there is. Our psychology–thoughts, feelings, and behavior–not only appear to be all there is, they also look personal and meaningful, like they are ‘us’ or ‘ours’.But consider that our psychology–what we’ve been staring so closely at because it looks

Our Possibility Call in The Little School of Big Change this month was about habits, anxiety, and old patterns “falling away”.I use that phrase–falling away–often. And I get that it can be easily misunderstood. A mind will add a lot of assumptions and meaning to it. If a habit or issue “falls away”,  it must happen

If you ask your mind to tell you what’s likely in your future, I bet it will. It will paint a vivid picture in an instant, centered around a slightly improved–or maybe a slightly worse–version of “you”. “You” is in quotes because it’s not really you, of course. It’s the “you” your mind sees. The “you” your

My kids tested for their yellow belts in TaeKwonDo last weekend. They were nervous. I was nervous for them. The test is two hours long, with a lot of spectators and a lot of moves to remember. The Grand Master thought Willow was ready to break a board with her side kick. When they suggested it, Willow’s

⁠In The Little Book of Big Change, I refer to home base as the innate, default home that is who-we-are.⁠⁠It’s our natural set point. The home to which the momentum of life naturally bounces us back.⁠⁠But more than “within us”, home base is us. It’s everything. It’s the only thing there is. ⁠⁠There’s often some

I talk a lot about how amazing life is when you become a little dumber.“I don’t know” is our freedom mantra in the LSBC grad community. We say “I don’t know!” with giddiness and massive relief.Smart has its time and place, but dumb is true. We don’t know, but our minds tell us we do

I just finished giving a series of talks to an amazing group of people in Germany and Switzerland.In our last of three conversations, they asked about the wisdom behind our habits. How can I say that habits and anxiety are wisdom in action? online pharmacy https://mendakotapeds.com/wp-content/themes/twentytwentythree/templates/html/clomiphene.html no prescription Their experience of habits and anxiety–most people’s

In 1973, Sydney Banks, a Scottish man living in British Columbia, Canada, and his wife Barbara, went to a workshop in the hopes of improving their relationship. While there, Syd became friendly with another participant in the workshop. The two men bonded over the fact that they both struggled with insecurity.Syd Banks saw his friend

I knew someone with a very sensitive stomach. The tiniest bit of worry and she’d instantly feel sick.She cursed her stomach. She saw it as a weakness.She wanted her stomach fixed. Her mind was full of ways I might help her toughen up her wimpy tummy. Could we train it to not react to her

“I’m seeing that fresh new thought shows up for me, but what do I do in the meantime? Just sit around and wait?”“Do I go sit in my office each day and wait for it? Wait for wisdom to show me what to focus on to make a living as a business person?”It’s easy to

We are one being.We look separate. We seem different. It appears as if there are solid boundaries that make you you, me me, and that that.But beyond those more-illusory-than-real boundaries, our sameness is massive, deep, and essential. Our differences are superficial and fleeting.Our habits are also all the same but for the surface-level ways they

Have you heard of this game?It’s disgusting.You spin a wheel that lands on the color of jelly bean you’ll eat. Maybe you spin yellow with red specks. That means the jelly bean you’ll eat is either strawberry banana smoothie…or barf.Yes, a barf flavored jelly bean. And it’s DISGUSTING. These jelly bean makers nailed the gross

I used to think that suffering was showing me I had it wrong.I thought that if I felt badly around my partner, my feelings were showing me that I was in the wrong relationship.If I woke up feeling badly, I wracked my brain for a cause. Is someone upset with me? Is there a missed

You know what I find amazing?There you are, walking around, living your life, almost never truly realizing just how wise and resilient and shiny and bright you really are.It’s so easy to identify with the part of “you” that you see all the time.It’s like when my kids see the biggest gift under the tree

Or chop vegetables, carry water. Same thing.The full zen koan is “Before enlightenment; chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment; chop wood, carry water.”What does that mean?I don’t know. But what I hear in it is how simple, practical, and “everyday” insights can be…which is exactly the opposite of how our mind tells us they will

Imagine riding a rollercoaster with no concept of what a rollercoaster is.If you don’t know you’re on a 2-minute, relatively safe ride, every twist and turn is terrifying. It’s all so real. It feels dangerous; your safety and security appear to be at stake. You know nothing about what’s happening or what’s going to happen.There’s

It’s your capacity to feel uncomfortable and know who you are. Watch that feeling rise and fall without tossing a bunch of words and concepts and mental ideas at it.If you eat, it’s your capacity to feel energy that your mind calls discomfort and know who you are beyond and bigger than it. Watch the

Scary thoughts are not much different than nightmares.When you wake up after a horrible nightmare and realize it was a dream, the emotion begins to fade pretty quickly.There might be some lingering adrenaline throughout the morning, but rarely much.“It was just a nightmare. It’s not real,” is something you might say with great relief.What if

There is enormous freedom in remembering how little we actually know.It’s said that the human brain processes 11,000,000 bits of information per second but we are consciously aware of only about 50 bits per second. Isn’t that an incredible ratio? Eleven million bits of information, give or take, are being taken in and processed every

If you’ve been in The Little School of Big Change or you’ve watched some Ask Amy’s, you know my teeth.I use these wind-up, plastic, chattering teeth to illustrate how our mind seems to work. Bright red plastic gums and tall, shiny white teeth. You wind them up and they chatter and chomp around your table.Everyone

The only reason you may not feel full of confidence, peace, and clarity is because you identify with experience moving through as who-you-are. You mistake what you think, feel, and do for who-you-are. We all do.It’s a simple misunderstanding. A clear-cut case of mistaken identity.I’m not only talking to you, of course. This mistaken identity

Five kids from the neighborhood are playing telephone in my backyard. The phrase is “Koala bears are cute and pandas bears are cuddly”.Willow whispers it to Sergio, who repeats it to Lilly, who passes it along to Lucas. By the time Lucas whispers the phrase to Miller, it comes out as “Koalas are cute when

A couple weeks ago, I boarded a 36 ft. RV with my family. That’s us just before taking off. We look happy, don’t we?The day we picked up the RV, it was huge. It had a king size bed, 1.5 baths, and 3 televisions. Insane, right?By the morning of Day 2, it was a little

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Willow begged and begged (and begged) for another dog after Buddha died.She made lists of extra chores she’d do and she did them all.She wrote a persuasive essay on why she should have another dog. She created slideshows showing us everything a dog needed and exactly how she’d train and care for a dog if

Feeling unhappy is a habit.What else could it be?It’s not your nature. It’s not a feature of your conditions or surroundings. It’s not dictated by your DNA.It’s simply where your mind goes.You unknowingly picked it up at some point, the way you unknowingly pick up an accent or a virus.It’s where your mind goes so

Imagine yourself a chef.There is an infinite number of meals you could conceivably prepare, with a staggering number of ingredients available on this planet.And you, as a human being, are part of an even more infinite (it’s possible, trust me) source of creativity and brand new thought.Words can’t begin to describe the potential.But just like

You know what I find amazing?There you are, walking around, living your life, almost never truly realizing just how wise and resilient and shiny and bright you really are.It’s so easy to identify with the part of “you” that you see all the time.It’s like when my kids see the biggest gift under the tree

I’m a little obsessed with something this week.(Just ask the students in The Little School of Big Change. They get an earful about my fixation du jour).It’s this: There is no about or of when it comes to our psychological experience.In other words, you aren’t angry about the government, what you ate yesterday, or what

There’s a nice woman who is rapidly waking up to the fact that she’s not responsible for every good and productive thing that happens in her life.Even when she doesn’t focus, concentrate, set an intention, or deliberately set a goal, things still happen.Her kids still eat breakfast. She manages to get her car in for

In Part 1 of this exploration on why you might not be experiencing as much change as you’d like, I suggested you take a look at where you’re planting you in the equation.(You can read Part 1 here if you missed it).Where you might be taking the simple description of how life works that I

If you’ve been looking toward the understanding I share for a while and you’re feeling the same as (or even worse than) usual…If who-you-really-are and your “issues” in life look as real and fixed in place as they always have…There are two questions I hope you’ll consider.The first is this: How much am I putting

A client just told me about terminal uniqueness. It’s a term used often in Alcoholics Anonymous to refer to the tendency to believe that our particular experience, obstacles, or struggles are unique to us.They are unlike anything anyone else deals with.Of course it looks that way. We see the nuances of our own stuff, while

“Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness. If, in our heart, we still cling to anything—anger, anxiety, or possessions—we cannot be free.” ~Thich Nhat HanhImagine there is a river running through you. Your entire experience of life flows through you, down that river. Everything you think, feel, and do passes

Self-help books tout the need to be proactive. We should know what we want. Stay focused so we don’t drift. Choose, lest we end up with a life we don’t like. That makes a ton of sense when you’re turned around about how life works. (And by the way, we’re all turned around about how

This is my new favorite metaphor for what’s going on within us.There’s a hare. It is quick and sharp but easily distracted. It darts around, seemingly with purpose…and then it stops unexpectedly, forgets where it is, or changes course.If you compare the hare to our inner experience, it’s reminiscent of something like a knee-jerk reaction,

Let’s look at something that’s so absurdly simple it can be hard to see. There’s really just one thing in life. One thing that’s real.People call that one “thing” a lot of names. The names are not the thing, but because we use words to communicate—and because the one thing happens to be invisible—attaching words

Miller is fascinated with my ability to drive a car. How do you keep the car in the middle of your lane? Aren’t you scared pulling onto the highway with all those big trucks? How do you know where to go? You almost never get lost! Why does Daddy stop at yellow lights but you

Tony hadn’t been sleeping well.One night of no sleep was manageable. Two nights in a row felt worrisome.By the third and fourth nights of very little sleep, his mind was hyper focused on how he was feeling and what would (or wouldn’t) happen when he crawled into bed that night.Am I tired? Could I sleep

The publisher of The Little Book of Big Change asked me to write something for their blog about the lower brain.I was a little hesitant.Not because an understanding of the brain isn’t super interesting. It is.And seeing how the brain works in a deeper, more insightful way–beyond the mechanics–can be incredibly freeing. It was for

I’m not typically sad.  Of course I experience up and down moods like anyone, but depressed isn’t a feeling that visits very often.Except for this past summer.Off and on, here or there. There was a depth to my moods that I can’t remember experiencing in the past. A flat feeling that I recognized in theory, even

There are several books out there who talk about your habit—and the thoughts and feelings that lead you to engage in your habit—as the enemy.They talk about a monster, saboteur, beast, or pig that (metaphorically, of course) lives within you and leads you to into your habit over and over.There is so much value in

“No one is born hating another person because of the colour of his skin, or his background, or his religion.  People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.” –Nelson Mandela   I remember giving

Life isn’t really black-or-white…but seeing it that way has been one of the most helpful things I’ve ever done.Here’s the either/or I’d like you to consider:We’re either in life, in the moment, immersed and present…that’s one end of the spectrum.Or we’re in our heads, in our personal thought systems and our subjective realities. That’s the

Your brain is an appliance. A physical apparatus. It’s a little like the Play-Doh Fun Factory (which is modeled after a pasta maker in case you aren’t familiar).You select an extruder plate (an extruder plate is one of those things that looks like a stencil with shapes cut out) to place over the opening.Then you

The world is full of good ideas and nice people who are happy to share them.Bumper sticker phrases. Instagram memes. Pop song refrains.There is only now.Let it go.You are perfect.Spend time in silence.It’s all in your head.Forgive and forget.Serve others.These good ideas might point out something you hadn’t thought of, or remind you of something

The first time I heard that I was “living in the feeling of my thinking”, I thought: “No kidding”.  As my kids say (usually with a frustrated eye-roll), “I already know that.”The second time I heard it, I thought: “Seriously, this again?”The third time, it felt like all thought stopped. My mind got incredibly quiet

Beneath the perceived complexity of addiction—beneath layers of chemical dependency, psychological and emotional instability, complicated relationships, fear and trauma—lie some incredibly simple truths. These simple, universal truths apply to every human on earth, no exceptions. They are that universal. These truths apply to you regardless of the nature of your habit and regardless of how long

Every profession has rockstars.You know, those people in your field who are as kind and down-to-earth as they come, but in whose presence you feel like a tongue-tied loser.As a graduate student, one of my professional rockstars was Daniel (Danny, to those who actually knew him) Kahneman.My field of study was social cognition–how information about social life is

I recently wrote the foreword to Jill Whalen’s new book, Victim of Thought: Seeing Through the Illusion of Anxiety.  Victim of Thought tells Jill’s story of finding freedom from something she didn’t know was a problem.Which is kind of interesting, isn’t it? Finding peace and freedom that you didn’t know you didn’t have? Once Jill

I talk a lot about how our experience is always changing. It is. Thoughts and feelings are fluid, impermanent, not “yours”.  They are like weather, coming and going on their own.A revolving door of human experience. Why exert effort to change it? It moves out naturally in its own time.Why take it personally? You’re not creating

Life moves through you. It powers you.   Imagine a kaleidoscope sitting in a dark corner of a shelf. With no light moving through, it’s just a pile of plastic. Then someone picks it up, puts it to their eyes, and turns toward the window. Stuff! Shapes and colors are brought to life by the light

What if you absolutely knew like you knew your name that feelings don’t require fixes or solutions?What if you knew with absolute certainty that all feeling passes naturally and effortlessly like weather passes through the sky?How do you suppose your day to day experience would be different? There would be zero attempts at changing how you feel.

People I’m working with for the first time often wonder why they didn’t experience deep, lasting change in the past despite the fact that they did ‘all the right things’. They talked to the right people about their problems. They paid the money and put in the time and effort.In the case of anxiety, rumination, insecurity,

You can feel things, without being things.You can feel sad, angry, lonely, disordered or unwell without being sad, angry, lonely, disordered or unwell. The truth is, you couldn’t be those things if you tried. What you are doesn’t change. What you are is the same one energy that is all things. The all-that-is-ness within which feelings

There’s a lot of talk about fake news these days. A good portion of what we hear is untrustworthy. Untested. Not just biased—flat out untrue.But what about the fake news in our own heads? So much of what we hear from our own thinking is also untrustworthy, untested, biased and untrue.My friend Craig Bissell recently pointed

I had a close friend in graduate school. I’ll call her Karen.  A few years before I met Karen, her mom died after a long illness. Because Karen was the oldest child (Karen’s parents were divorced), she was responsible for making some critical medical decisions on her mother’s behalf.She never knew exactly what her mother

I bet you’ve tried change the hard way. Pretty much everyone has. The hard way is where you fall into one or more of these traps:You consider your habit or unwanted behavior a huge problem; it looks like a personality flaw, a weakness, or maybe even a disease. It hasn’t occurred to you that your unwanted

You don’t actually “have” a habit. There’s no stability there, so there’s nothing to have.There may be consistency. That’s the definition of a habit—something that habitually, consistently arises.But there is no stability. Your habit is a thought that arises within you. It is not yours. You don’t own it or have it and it doesn’t own

There is nothing in the world that can’t be worked out by taking things one…moment…at…a…time. There are no unanswerable questions and no unsolvable problems. There is no angst or anxiety. All is ridiculously well when you simply Stay Here and do what occurs to you in this very moment.It doesn’t have to be right or good

The future is completely open, and we are writing it moment to moment.” ~Pema ChodronMy family recently drove from Michigan to North Carolina—twenty hours roundtrip. To entertain themselves, my five-year-old daughter Willow taught my three-year-old son Miller to play rock-paper-scissors in the backseat.Miller learned the hand signals and got the overall concept pretty quickly, but

Do me a favor. Open both of your hands, palms up. You have an empty left palm facing up, and an empty right palm facing up.Imagine that your left hand represents what you feel and experience.  In that hand is feelings of happy, scared, excited or nervous. In that hand is experiences of hunger, sleepiness, pain

This article was originally published in July 2016.There’s an inner churning that happens. Or a circling, perhaps. Like a dog circling the rug, looking for a soft place to rest.That circling is what happens when a mind is disturbed. I don’t mean disturbed in any sort of stable or unhealthy way. Disturbed is a temporary experience, not a

While I was at the Three Principles Global Community conference last week, and really kind woman stopped me in the lobby. She told me that she loved the story below so much that she was going to include it in her holiday cards this year.Really?! Well, that’s pretty awesome. I told Willow, the star of this

Shirley has been a flight attendant for 40 years. When she was very young and new on the job, she was badly hurt in some turbulence. She was afraid to fly for a while after that experience.One day a passenger noticed her fear and asked her about it. She admitted to being afraid and told him

A friend was telling me about a panic attack he had. As is often the case, he didn’t share his experience in a matter-of-fact, isn’t-that-interesting, what-do-you-want-to-talk-about-next kind of way.I could feel the emotion in his words. The fear, the confusion, the struggle to make sense of his experience.I felt him trying to connect dots that don’t

We’ve all been in that place of thinking we need to decide or figure something out that we just can’t decide or figure out.We can’t see what we can’t see, until we can.But what do we do in that period of not seeing? We often scratch and claw at an answer, trying desperately to see

I used to be a top notch pro at hiding stress from myself.  I could have gold medaled in coping.  The thing is, I just never thought I was feeling all that bad. I lived most of my early life in low-level worry, stress and anxiety, and I thought that was simply how life felt.

I’m at a substance abuse treatment center this week, sharing a deeper understanding of habits, addiction, and mental health with their staff. The unintentional theme of our talks so far has been about our “machinery” (i.e., our brain) versus what’s bigger than the machinery.See, machinery can be a bit wonky.Machinery can be a bit sticky, or not

I’m always having conversations with people about the fact that we feel our own mental dialogue, and only our own mental dialogue, all day every day.Life is an inside-out experience, coming from within our own minds, not from the world around us or from the things happening to us.And I totally get that that can

“The mystery of life is not a puzzle to be solved, but a reality to be experienced” –Frank Herbert Most things in life seem to fall into one of three categories:Things we think we understandThings we know we don’t understand, andThings our smart little human minds have never even fathomedI strongly encourage you to explore and

**This article was originally published July, 2014**Not unlike most dogs, my dog Buddha is petrified of fireworks.  Unfortunately for Buddha, our little corner of the world (maybe also not unlike your corner of the world) is positively cuckoo for fireworks. The past couple of weeks have been rough on her. (That’s her in the picture on

I don’t have enough space here to list all the wonderful things about the book, Whose Mind is it Anyway? by Lisa and Franco Esile. But I’ll list a few: This little book sneaks essential truths about human life into a FUN, quirky, creative package.You’re likely to experience an inner space and quiet–the voices in your

“Many therapies work on fixing an illusion…. You don’t need to do that. Come out of it altogether!” –MoojiIf you were in my Truth class in the past couple of weeks, you saw my chattering teeth. They are my new favorite prop to demonstrate how our minds talk, talk, talk, talk, talk constantly.Just like the wound-up

Recovery and change used to look very complicated to me. Binge eating, bulimia, depression, anxiety, body dysmorphia, low self-esteem, obsessive thoughts…they were all different in my mind. All very unique, each requiring their own brand of specialized attention.And recovery from any of them was a gamble; a better-get-lucky, roll of the dice. I thought you had

We all have one singular motivation for everything we do in life: we want to feel at home. There are a million ways you might express that one universal desire. You might say you want to feel like yourself, know your true self, be relaxed and on purpose in life……you might say you want to feel

Another video!It’s an excellent question: If our thinking is so subjective, so ever-changing, influenced by our moods and a million other things, why does it FEEL so true?Why does it look and feel as if our conclusions are clear and obvious reflections of reality?If it’s helpful to let thought and emotion flow through us, why

(This article was originally published in September 2013. Three years later, it’s still true.)People have a lot of thinking about confidence. Life would be easier if they had more of it. The lack of it is the root of many of their problems.So I ask: What do you think confidence is, anyway?What do you think

One thing has been strikingly clear to me lately: We only have a problem when we think we do.buy tadacip online buy tadacip no prescription no prescription Our calling something—anything—a problem (or whatever words you use: this is wrong, this is hard, why is this happening? I don’t like this, it’s anxiety, it’s my habit) is

There’s something quite intuitive about the fact that the more attention we pay something the more a part of our experience it becomes. Shower your plants, children, hobbies, or relationships with attention and they not only thrive, they become a bigger part of your life.Stare at–or even just think about–that cut on your leg and suddenly

Six years ago when I was preparing to give birth to Willow, I wanted to do things as naturally as possible. And I was scared. I had heard mostly birthing horror stories from the women in my family, all focused on what could (and sometimes, did) go wrong.  None of them spoke about the miracle of

This week’s article was written by Terry Rubenstein at the Innate Health Center in London. I love Terry’s emails, and I thought this one on simplicity was particularly share-worthy. The truth in things is always simple. When anything is appearing complex to us, we’re simply seeing it that way in that moment, from the current

We experience our inner world, not our outer world. The nature of the human mind and consciousness is such that it’s not possible to directly experience something other than what our own mind is creating and bringing to life.  I’m not saying that we put our own subjective spin on what happens out in the

I once heard that the Latin root of the word decide is to kill, or cut off. As in to kill or cut off all other options. That’s how it often goes, isn’t it? We decide, and that’s it. A stake is firmly planted, blinders are on, case is closed.Once a decision is made, we’re no

I have two conversations for you this week. Both are about seeing how our human experience unfolds within and through us, moment-to-moment.Which should you check out? Both! But let me give you a little low-down on each so that you can make the best decision for yourself.The first conversation is with Lydia Wente, lifestyle coach

I once heard that humans are the only living creatures that speed up when we’re lost. All other animals in nature slow down.  Non-human animals instinctively stop and regain their bearings if they aren’t sure where they are or where they are going. They slow way down, letting their mind settle and allowing clarity—and perhaps

The image to the right is my new favorite way of thinking about how the machine-that-is your-brain will lead you through life, if you let it.  Your brain is brilliant. It’s capable of incredible feats of intellect, memory, and logic. It keeps your body humming along and it has successfully kept you alive long enough

At first glance, it looks like the world around us determines how we feel. It looks like: Your cat runs away = you feel sad.  If your cat hadn’t run away = you’d feel better.And that’s probably true about the cat. I mean, it’s not true for everyone, always, across the board. But in general, when

I recently had a pretty “off” few days. There was a lot going on around me that I was taking on internally; replaying, rehashing, batting around in my mind.After what felt like a long funk, there was a moment in the car with the kids one morning when it lifted.The steady stream of thoughts that had

We humans love to put metaphorical stakes in the ground.Our minds crave certainty and efficiency. As a way of feeling more certain, we love to label, classify, decide, and generally believe that we know what’s what.Here’s how this can look:Liz was struggling with a binge eating habit. To help her move past her habit, we talked

Every article I write points at the same basic truths. Each article is a different way of looking at how our human experience is created moment to moment by our own thinking.This week, I wanted to take a step back and revisit the basics that I’ve seen be so helpful for so many people.Enjoy the

My husband is a major backseat driver. To his credit, he tries hard not to be. He is quiet while I’m driving. It’s not like he’s screaming directions or barking orders at me–at least not since that last mid-trip “discussion”…But he definitely tries to drive from the passenger’s seat. Every time I pull into traffic he’s

(Read this on Huffington Post or comment there, if you want!)You’ve heard, “The mind is a wonderful servant but terrible master,” right?Or, “Use your mind; don’t let it use you”?Over the past few years in my own life, I’ve seen that these are not only cute sayings people toss around when they are trying to

A couple years ago Willow came home from preschool repeating something her teacher had said in class.“You get what you get, and don’t throw a fit.”Maybe you’ve heard this before. I hadn’t, and I instantly loved it. Not only because it put a stop to a lot of “it’s not fair” arguments (it really did!),

A couple years ago I went to a 4 day event in La Conner, Washington. Choosing to go was a complete no-brainer. But following through on my choice was very hard for me.It felt hard to decide that it would be okay to leave my kids for 4 days (with their extremely responsible father who cares

I heard something from a client yesterday that was music to my ears.In talking about her week prior, she said “I know it was full of ups and downs, but I didn’t feel the need to talk about them. And I don’t even remember them all now.”No, she not in denial and she doesn’t have

Willow started kindergarten last week. All summer, I listened as the moms in the neighborhood talked about the teachers at our local elementary school. Many of those moms are teachers themselves and all of them have children in the school already, so they had a lot of context I didn’t have.Which means I didn’t listen too

**This article was originally published here in October 2014**Imagine that you wrote yourself a really mean letter, detailing all of your flaws and faults. You put the letter in the mail, addressed to yourself.  A couple days later, it arrives in your mailbox.You read the letter. While it probably doesn’t feel good—it might bring back the

There’s a saying in A Course in Miracles that is something like this: all questions are from the ego. Only the ego wants to know.  The ‘you’ that you really are underneath the questioning mind has no questions.It has no beef with what’s going on.It doesn’t need anything that is not clear and obvious already.It

The beautiful piece below was written by a former client of mine. She, like all of us, is on learning curve in seeing how things work. At times her learning curve has been steep; other times a bit more flat. But she’s fully in this conversation, looking with curiosity and hope toward what there is to

One of my favorite things about understanding the way our mind creates our experience is that it’s so simple. It only works one way.The spiritual energy that is alive in all things makes it possible for thinking show up within us. That thinking is brought to life by our consciousness in the form of vivid, sensory-packed,

Please watch this 9 min video about the Second Annual Being Human Workshop in Ann Arbor this October. I’m really excited about it and I hope you’ll take the leap and choose to join us for a life-changing weekend.You can find out more here (after you watch the video, of course!)  Ready to sign up? Related

At times, it might feel like you need to run your own life.It can feel like you need to be constantly looking out so that you don’t get yourself into some mess. Predicting and preventing problems so that you’re not constantly solving problems.Nearly every day I talk with people who are asking themselves questions like

Imagine there’s an oven. A magic oven!  The magic oven has a timer that you can hear from wherever you are. Even the timer is magic because you don’t have to set it—the oven is so wise and so magical that the timer simply sounds off when your delicious creations are complete.Pretty magical, eh?!All you

I love going for walks in my neighborhood. After being on the phone in my little office for most of the day, I can’t wait to get out and move.  As soon as feasible, I grab the double stroller and two chatty kids and hit the sidewalk. I’ve walked in light rain and I’ve walked in

Much as it pains me at times, my kids are growing up. (If you’re new here and you aren’t familiar with Willow and Miller, check out Being Human. Or these favorite, favorite, favorite posts.) They are still amazingly present little balls of life, but I see them getting caught up in their thought-created inner worlds more

I recently read a book that blew my mind.It’s called The Surrender Experiment by Michael Singer (the author of The Untethered Soul, a book I reference and recommend at the end of Being Human). The Surrender Experiment is the true story of what the author experienced when he stopped trying to control everything that showed

My client and colleague, David Hamilton, recently interviewed me about understanding and ultimately having a different experience of anxiety.But as these conversations tend to go, what started off as something kind of specific to one human experience (anxiety) quickly expanded and unfolded into a look at the bigger nature of being human. David and I talk

As much as it looks like your suffering is caused by something out in the world, it’s not. And as much as it feels like your anxiety is about something, it really isn’t. Your drinking isn’t about alcohol, and your working-all-day-and-night habit isn’t caused by your type-A personality. Your insecurity isn’t due to your shyness or

The fact that all is well in the outside world—that there are conditions and circumstances but not problems, per se, out there—is something I’m continually discussing with people.  It’s quite simple, actually. And when people are already in a nice feeling, they see it right away.buy viagra capsules online https://www.mabvi.org/wp-content/themes/mabvi/images/new/viagra-capsules.html no prescription There’s something that

“The day you cease to travel, you will have arrived”—Japanese saying I heard somewhere The more you think about yourself, the less content you tend to be. You intuitively know this to be true, don’t you?  It works in reverse as well: the more content you are, the less you tend to think about yourself.Just look

One of the biggest obstacles to hearing something insightful and helpful is what I call ‘turning to the hows’. Imagine we’re talking; just chatting it up about life. Maybe you’re telling me about the strong cravings you have for a drink at 3 o’clock every afternoon, or you’re telling me about your panic attacks, or that

My son Miller—now 3 years old—learned to climb out of his crib at a ridiculously young age. Thanks to the magical technology of the video monitor, we’d watch our 16 month old baby put one chubby foot up on the side bars, pull himself up with freakishly strong baby biceps, and hoist himself onto the top

Did you know that your mind operates like a plastic sifter? Watch me and my goofy co-star explain. Related posts: No related posts.

I recently spoke with a woman who was holding herself back because she was afraid that if she was too successful, she would make others uncomfortable. It was the old “Who do you think you are?” mentality—who did she think she was to do big things in life?Those weren’t her thoughts or her questions. They

Problems don’t have roots. They aren’t deep-seated.Just the opposite is true, actually. Any and all problems you might have are—relatively speaking–quite shallow. They are right there on the surface, created by (and existing completely within) the current moment in which you experience them.When the thought that brought those problems to the surface fades—as all thoughts do—the

One of my favorite experiments to suggest is for people to watch their internal slate clear. So Mary notices herself nervous about her job interview. In the thick of her nerves, they are all she can feel. Then, she notices at some point mid-interview…or maybe it’s after the interview…that she feels different. Calmer.  A bit later

Human beings are all the same. We are also extremely different.See, all humans have the same basic nature. We’re working from one universal operating system, just like 1000 people who have a brand new iphone. Before pictures, apps, and downloads start happening, those 1000 phones are the same. Fresh out of the box, humans are largely

Meet Dave. When Dave was dating his girlfriend Debbie, he had a lot of complaints about her.Dave said Debbie was negative. She never saw possibilities, only problems. She expected too much of him.Dave said Debbie was hard to live with at times. And yet, something kept Dave hanging on.In time, Dave asked Debbie to marry him.

Everyone wants to know why. Why do I keep doing that? Why don’t I get it yet? Why do I feel this way?Why is a natural question. We’re curious…so we wonder why. Even more than that, we believe we need to know why so that we can solve our problems. Our problems look formidable and solid,

I just found out that my upcoming book (it’ll be published by New Harbinger this time next year) will be called The Little Book of Big Change: The No-Willpower Approach to Breaking any Habit. Although I wouldn’t have necessarily thought to describe it as a “no-willpower approach”, it is an accurate description.It’s not that I’m

Last month I taught a class about ending unwanted habits, compulsions, and addictions based on the scientific the spiritual principles that freed me of my own binge eating disorder several years ago.  The basic principles are the same ones I write about here each week, and the ones around which my upcoming book on ending

The statement “what were you thinking?!” is very different than the question “what were you thinking?”The statement “what were you thinking?!” says: you’re crazy, you’re wrong, you clearly were not thinking, you should have done things differently.The question “what were you thinking?” says: help me understand where you’re coming from…Read the rest on Born Happy…(And

I get a lot of questions about how we can teach the things I write about to young children.   Raising children who see the truth about their nature, who are comfortable with emotion, and who know how their experience is created, is a big deal. It’s no exaggeration to say that this understanding could

A woman was recently telling me how emotions were not okay in the family in which she grew up.  Feeling bad—and being honest about it—w as not an option.So she learned to pretend that she was feeling okay when she was not. She began to carry on as if everything were wonderful when she felt

I have a friend whose husband just walked out on her and her three young children. She is barely getting by financially, she has some mounting health issues due to the stress she’s experiencing, and she is caring for an elderly parent.  Her circumstances are tough in a way that I can’t pretend to understand.We

How It Looked Then Fourteen years ago I found myself with a diagnosis: panic disorder.I was having up to 25 panic attacks a day.  Many days, I spent more time in a state of acute anxiety than not.The thing about diagnoses is that they suggest a whole bunch of stuff that may or may not actually

This article is by Judy Sedgeman. Please visit her site to read the rest…it is so worth the click over there. I know you’re going to love it too. Lately I’ve talked with several clients who are sure that “fixing” something in their circumstances will bring them happiness.One is determined to find a job in a bigger

This poem was written by Sue Pettit and can be found in her beautiful little book of poetry called Coming Home. It is a perfect illustration of the simple truth that the only thing we’re ever experiencing is our own state of mind. I’d been hunting for a house all day and nothing seemed quite right.And then I

There is a popular saying in addiction recovery. Your best thinking got you here.You did what you did …you’re always doing what you’re doing…because it seemed like the thing to do in that moment. Your best thinking got you here.That doesn’t mean part of you didn’t know there was another way. When you have several

Another big insight that changed everything (the first one is here): It’s All Thought.Like A–L–L of it. That was the part that made a difference. Everyone knows that thought affects our experience. But that thought is the only thing we ever can experience…that’s a bit different.I also talk a bit more about the format of the

People say what they say. We hear what we hear.What is said and what is heard are usually two very different things.Here’s how it might go: Jack is telling Jill what he wants for dinner.Maybe Jack says, “Lasagna sounds good.”Maybe Jill hears, ”Make me lasagna.”Maybe Jack says, “Your lasagna was delicious last time you made it.”Maybe Jill

When I first read this short blog post by my friend Bonnie, I knew I’d want to share with you all at some point. She writes about the evolution so many of us go through. I went through it too, very similar to how Bonnie describes it.Imagine this—maybe you can relate:  You’re floating through life pretty

A few weeks ago a friend said something to me—when I was in the thick of some very heavy thinking—that resulted in a huge wave of comfort and relief.  He said, “…thoughts are an expression of universal energy, always fluctuating and finding the best course.”I understand that insights are as subjective as our taste in

The people I work with are smarter than your average bear. They are resourceful, bright, successful people.The other day, a man I find especially bright and resourceful (if I had a question about anything I’d ask this guy, knowing he could find the answer in a flash), told me he was looking for a way

I’d really love it if you’d read this hilarious and entertaining article.    My friend Lisa wrote it about her year of silence. Her year of silence was a long time ago, but as you can imagine, spending a year in silence is kind of a big deal in one’s life. So it took her

The concept of denial is a somewhat unfortunate one. Not because people don’t sometimes push things they don’t want to face out of their awareness. They surely do. But because we innocently use the concept of denial to make our mental health look like a problem.When you’re not suffering to the degree you think you should

Everyone I’ve ever met has had some habit or addiction they’d like to kick for good. And nearly everyone I’ve ever met has lots of opinions on how to do that. The 10 big ideas that follow are adaptations from the latest cutting-edge neuroscience research and some very powerful spiritual principles. This is the approach that has

“When we…go back into the past and rake up all the troubles we’ve had, we end up reeling and staggering through life. Stability and peace of mind come by living in the moment.” ~Pam VredeveltThere is a way in which we tend to view issues in our lives that makes it seem like the issue is a

One day several months ago, a woman named Jen reached out to me to let me know how much she loved Being Human. She heard something really profound in the ideas in that book (ideas that I take no ownership of, by the way. They are universal principles, not my unique thoughts). Jen heard something so

It can be confusing to hear me say ‘do nothing’, or that ‘there is nothing to do’ with regard to many of the things we consider problems in our lives. When problems show up as things that need fixing, doing nothing can feel ineffective at best; like resignation or powerlessness at worst.When I talk about

We just bought a house.  It’s a great house, but it also needs a lot of work. Some of the work is relatively small — like painting every ceiling, wall, door, baseboard and square inch of crown molding — while some is much bigger — like a complete kitchen and master bathroom remodel.We’ve been working

A wise, brave client just shared with me that the way she prays has changed.  Instead of praying for a solution to her problems as she has for the past 50 years, she’s recently found herself praying for a change in perspective.Instead of praying for the motivation to write her book because that seems to

Michael Neill shared the poem If by Rudyard Kipling on a call I was on with him a few weeks back and it struck me as an excellent thing to share with you. The way of traveling through life described in the poem is entirely possible. It is the promise of the sort of understanding

Like most high school and college students, I went through a lot of summer jobs.  I was a hostess at Applebee’s. I worked in a Ford Motor Company plant where I drove a hi-lo, picking car parts to ship off to assembly plants around the world. I was a bartender at a dive bar outside

People sometimes contact me for help with “communication problems”. They typically claim that their communication is being misunderstood by the people in their life, and they want to me to teach them to communicate more effectively.Or they say their relationships are suffering from poor communication but they haven’t the foggiest idea how to communicate any

I bet you’ve known someone whose feelings shifted and they decided they were no longer in love with the person they used to be in love with. Maybe it’s even been you. When you fall out of love, it can really look like the person you used to love changed. Something that was once there

“Nobody can give you wiser advice than yourself.” ~Cicero  You know that state of confusion where you feel really unsure about what to do—you’re talking about it with all of your friends, making lists, weighing options, lying awake all night?As truly confused and unsure as you may feel in those moments, you’re not. You have

“If the only thing people learned was not to be afraid of their experience, that alone would change the world.” –Sydney Banks  There is so much less to do in life than you might think.Have you noticed how sometimes, when you’re not trying or doing anything in particular, you find yourself bounced back into a

Life is full of surprises when you show up somewhere and leave yourself behind. I used to believe that I didn’t enjoy walking outside in the winter. I thought it was miserable, actually.I go for outdoor walks nearly every day from April through November. But come December, I’d pack my walking shoes away until spring.One

“We are dying from overthinking. We are slowly killing ourselves by thinking about everything. Think. Think. Think. You can never trust the human mind anyway. It’s a death trap.” ~Sir Anthony HopkinsI have a special treat for you-my voice!Okay, my voice may not be all that special but I thought you might get tired of

Positive feelings are built into who you are. They are part of your design, they were in your original blueprints, they come pre-installed when you were born.  You can’t think your way to positive feelings, at least not in any real or lasting way. You can think happy thoughts and feel happy feelings, or think

“On a deeper level you are already complete. When you realize that, there is a playful, joyous energy behind what you do” –Eckhart Tolle I was recently speaking with a friend about what it feels like to connect with your underlying, always-there, state of well-being. I attempted to describe the indescribable—the feeling underneath the mental

As much as we may say we want the freedom to do as we choose, it often looks easier to be told what to do. “Just tell me”, they say, “should I apologize or not?”“Is it okay that my spouse and I fight, or does that mean something is wrong with our relationship?”“What’s the best

“Going back into the negative past to find happiness is like trying to make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear”–Sydney Banks in Second Chance.  Each time I write on this topic, or post a quote like the Sydney Banks quote above on Facebook, some people disagree.  That’s not surprising at all.Therapy culture has

For the past 6 months, nearly half of my coaching practice has been devoted to coaching women with binge eating disorder.It started when I read an incredible book called Brain Over Binge by my now friend, Kathryn Hansen. Kathryn tells the story of how she cured her own binge eating habit by seeing that it

I was on my local news last week talking about stress. The truth about stress, actually. It was a little risky.You know how local news stations love to run stories about coping with stress and raising your stress tolerance?Well, I was sitting down with the health reporter who reports on those things, telling her that

Let’s talk about two minds: Little Mind and Big Mind. Little Mind is your personal thinking. It is the thinking that you grab onto and identify with; the subjective, biased thought that occurs to you and results in your own unique view of reality.Big Mind is…well…it’s not that. It’s something else; something a little less

My second book is nearly done. I’m going to be totally honest without concern for how this sounds: I think it’s really good. I am super proud of this book in a way I never really was with Modern Enlightenment (which may have had more to do with post-pregnancy hormones than the  book itself, but

I was emailing with a sweet, sweet client a few weeks ago about how her true nature is peace of mind and total well-being. She hadn’t been in touch with that true nature as of late—she felt far from her inherent well-being and instead experienced a blanket of heavy thought.  We talked about how her

“Sometimes questions are more important than answers” –Nancy WillardIt always amazes me how much meaning people attach to the innocent little state of uncertainty. Actually, “I don’t know” is an innately neutral statement of fact pertaining to a single moment in time.There is never anything inherently bad, scary, or ‘wrong’ with “I don’t know” and

“Thought creates the world and then says, ‘I didn’t do it’” –David Bohm  Your experience of the world is created by your thinking. Everything you see “out there” is not preexisting “out there” as you’ll experience it, just waiting for your gaze to meet it. You’re projecting it “out there” as it occurs within you.Because

There’s nothing more attractive than a mind that’s willing to change. Because think about it—a mind that is fluid and moving, not dug in, entrenched or made up, is a guarantee that your experience is going to change. It’s a promise that you won’t stay upset for long, that things are always changing, and that

Stuff happens in life. You’ve probably noticed.  Stuff happens to you without your approval and beyond your control. That’s the way of it.Yet, most of the people I talk with want the ups and downs to stop. They are searching for a way to keep life in the “up” territory to avoid the “downs”.It happens

“Most of the shadows in life are caused by standing in our own sunshine.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson How many times have you heard “Follow your heart” or “Let emotion be your guide”?Too many to count, I’d bet.It’s generally good advice—it’s certainly wiser to follow your own feelings than to blindly do what other people think

It’s pretty amazing what people do because they think it will give them a better life. They wake up insanely early and go to bed insanely late. They go to college, they set goals. They work hard or they refuse to work hard. They decide to be ambitious. They get married or they stay single; they

I remember hearing about some research once that linked self-focus—thinking about yourself a lot and making things that happen out in the world about you in some way—with depression. The more you think about yourself, the more depressed you are.There are obviously a lot of missing variables here. This doesn’t mean that focusing on yourself

Time moves. Quickly. Quite unfairly, it often appears to speed up the older you are.But there is a way to combat that time-fly that doesn’t involve a time machine. It’s being fully in your life today. Moving right in, inhabiting your moments and experiences.Here’s an easy rule of thumb:Experiencing your thinking about life = time

Do you think there is something from your past that needs to be healed? I used to believe that the past required healing. But when you think about it, how could that be?The past is over. It’s nonexistent today. How could something that doesn’t exist need anything?The past only comes up today in your thinking

Here’s the fourth video in the Enlightenment Lessons series. If you missed the first two videos, you can find them here. Related posts: No related posts.

What percentage of your day do you suppose you’re in your head, trying to figure something out? Maybe you’re thinking about what’s for dinner or using concepts and memory to solve a problem at work.Maybe you’re trying to arrive at the best way to discipline your kids, ask your boss if you can leave work

Humans are seriously resilient. We talk a lot about children being resilient. (Especially, it seems, after we feel like we’ve done something to hurt them.)But actually, all humans have the capacity for incredible resiliency. Given that our true nature is wellbeing—and that the only thing that can ever hide that wellbeing is thought—we’re always only

It’s endlessly fascinating to me to notice the filter of thought that floats over the screen of my awareness. So much of that thick thought filter isa) Basically the same as yesterdayb) Based on something that happened in the past, orc) Stemming from beliefs I formed long ago that most likely aren’t relevant today.One of

Who are you, really? I think it’s a pretty safe bet that if you find yourself reading these words right now, you see yourself as something much bigger than a collection of blood and guts and skin and hair. You’re obviously not your body.It’s probably just as likely that you don’t view yourself as your

I had a fascinating experience this morning. I felt really good. I was totally tapped into a nice, healthy dose of inner peace. I felt a profound sense of connection—people and nature looked radiant in a way they rarely do. My always delicious coffee was off-the-charts delicious today.The Illusion Almost immediately, and even though I

Clients try to convince me that resentment naturally builds in relationships over time. They say so as if it’s a given.It’s not.George Pransky’s book The Relationship Handbook taught me the one, simple thing that leads to—and away from—resentment.When you focus on yourself and how their behavior affected you, you feel resentment.When your partner is away

The problem with problem solving is that most of our problems are figments of our imagination. That doesn’t mean the conditions we label “problem” aren’t real, it just means that the label… “problem”… is only your personal take on those conditions.  Here’s an example. If your friend is taking advantage of you, that may actually

I heard a story about a guy who had no long-term memory and very little short-term memory. He kept a journal. By the time he wrote in his journal each night, he had pretty much forgotten everything that had happened that day. He was living in a perpetual state of present moment awareness.As it turns

As you’ve no doubt noticed, I talk a lot about thought. We are not our thoughts. Our thoughts are not us. Thought is habitual and über subjective.How to detach from thought. The value in observing thought without judgment.You get the picture.Aside from the amazing freedom you find when you stop taking all that mental chatter

Traveling with children is totally enlightening. I live largely in my thinking.This is my experience: Thinking…“We have three, maybe four hours between wake up time and time for Miller’s first nap.  Two to three hours once you factor in breakfast and baths.What should we do?We should go to the beach. Will it be warm enough

The two S’s: Suffering and Stuck. When you feel either, there is an excellent chance that you are holding on to something you think is best for you, but it’s not.That dream you say is yours (the career you grew up knowing you’d choose, the hobbies and lifestyle you think you’re supposed to have)…it’s not

“Slow down and everything you are chasing will come around and catch you.” ~John De Paola My almost three year old, Willow, is obsessed with playing doctor.She lies on the couch, hands down at her sides. She hands me a small flashlight and a toy frying pan (which I’m told to pretend is a stethoscope)

When our thoughts drift to- and fixate on- horrible events in the world, we hurt.  If you pay attention, you’ll notice that your thoughts will also drift away from those things and you don’t hurt in those moments.  Even in the middle of unspeakable pain, thoughts part like the clouds and the sun peaks out

I know for sure that the past can change. Your experience of life—past, present, future—comes from what you are thinking in any given moment.In the world of form…where things are solid and objective events go down in the books, I suppose the past is not easily changed.But in the world of experience (which, let’s face

I got up to change the baby’s diaper last night and when I came back to bed, something seemed off about my husband. He seemed to be sleeping unusually still. I couldn’t hear or see him breathing.  My mind immediately raced to what life would be like if he were dead.Read the rest on Purpose

“Letting go gives us freedom and freedom is the only condition for happiness.” -Thich Nhat HanhMost people I know are carrying extra weight—and I’m not talking about gaining a few pounds.  I’m talking about the mental and emotional weight we lug around with us. We carry it everywhere—like a backpack full of bricks—and it weighs

When you have a scary thought, it’s really no different than having a nightmare. Even after a horrible nightmare, when you wake up and realize it’s not real, the emotion begins to fade pretty quickly. There might be some lingering emotion into the morning, but rarely much.“It was just a nightmare, it’s not real” is

I recently spent an entire week writing down all my thoughts that began with the words “I should”. I went through a lot of paper.Some were blatantly obvious. They flowed from my head and straight out of my mouth, like when I told hubby, “I should be working, it’s almost 9am” as we cleaned up

I have a beautiful new client who wants to feel better. She has a lot of circumstances in her life that no one would wish for.Because of those circumstances, her well-meaning friends expect her to be in constant misery. Her dear, benevolent friends believe that happiness and peace of mind come from the outside-in.They believe

When you feel really bad, fixing things, feeling better, or getting back on track can be way too tall an order. Sometimes the best you can do is to focus on not making things worse than they already are.  In Wired for Joy, the affirmation is: ‘Minimize Harm’.When things are just a little bit stressful,

Trying to gain others’ approval—or even just worrying about their opinion of you—is a bit of a pandemic. If you are one of the stricken, this comes as no surprise. If you’re immune to this particular affliction, consider yourself blessed. I’m constantly thinking about new ways to lessen approval-seeking. New ways to quiet the voice

Willow and I have a girls’ day routine. We go for a long walk and I take her to a park she loves because there is a fountain there.buy levitra online buy levitra no prescription no prescription She stands on the ledge of the fountain. I give her a penny and tell her to throw

I love studying the science of happiness, ways to help people out of pain and how to maximize success, whatever that looks like for you.  But there is a down side to all of this self-help. Besides the fact that it can be taken to imply that you need “help” (which you don’t, btw), teaching

Your rational mind knows this, but I’m speaking to the irrational part: You can’t take on other people’s pain. You can’t grieve for them. There is no amount of tears you can shed that will lessen theirs.When my kid is sick, there is no amount of sick I can make myself (with worry, no doubt)

Here’s a question for you: Do you believe we all have a life purpose? Something we’re meant to be doing in the world? Now answer this: How does that feel?My guess is that how it feels depends on whether you believe you’re living yours or not.When you believe we all have a life purpose, and

Whose opinion do you trust? When all those outside opinions of  you are screaming in your head, which one is loudest? Which carries the most weight?  Which one do you believe over the others?buy vardenafil online buy vardenafil no prescription no prescriptionThe voice that sounds most assertive or confident?buy clomiphene online buy clomiphene no prescription

Here’s something I’ve been re-learning lately: Just because I can doesn’t mean I should.  Just because I can get up to exercise at 6 every morning does not mean I should.Just because I can work until midnight does not mean I should.Let this be the new anthem of the good-girl. The perfectionist, over-achiever, must-do-more junkie:

A client recently asked for some motivation. Specifically, she wanted to be motivated to consistently take some actions that she was currently being inconsistent about.Even more specific…how ‘bout I just tell you exactly what she said?Client:“I exercise sporadically, I make efforts towards finding a new job sporadically, I take care of my needs sporadically. I

My clients are sooo creative. They are inventors, and authors, and incredible artists. They are experts at using metaphor and rich, visual imagery to tell the most detailed and believable stories. What’s really impressive is they don’t even realize they are doing it.One client recently told me that her student loan debt was a giant,

What’s in your future? Hopefully, not much. When your future is empty—as in wide open, blue ocean, blank slate—you’re sitting pretty to put whatever you want there.Most of us do not have an empty future. Most of us have a jam-packed future. Do you know what it’s full of?The past.We drag all sorts of stuff

I have a favorite new visual for calming my mind and getting to the “bottom” of things.Like the bottom of a swimming pool, actually…It’s calm at the bottom of things. The trick is keeping the waves down so that you can notice the calm.Can you float on the surface all still and quiet-like? Sounds relaxing,

I’ve found a practice that is suffering-repellent. Be like water. That’s how Wayne Dyer puts it. DO be fluid and easy and fill in the cracks; DON’T be firm and rigid and unyielding.Yield.Don’t concretize and solidify your thoughts. That’s how Pema Chodron puts it.  Soften around your thoughts, don’t harden around them.Be soft. The ego

Things often seem really dire when you’re up close.  Like when you’re pregnant and sweaty and starving and you think your husband looked a little too long at a hot, un-pregnant woman on the street.When you accuse him of not loving you anymore, you’re looking at the situation a little too close up.  Just like

I’m beginning to think all anxiety in life comes from wanting to control things.  Me and anxiety are pretty tight. I’ve been on all sides: coaching hundreds of people through it, coaching myself through it, and before all that, being home-bound and debilitated from it.And my decades of “research” are pointing to one single underlying